Elephants, Parents, and Love

As you all may or may not know, I'm an only child. Part of my 'only child' experience is the fact that I don't have as many sources - especially not of the close variety - to give and receive love as people who have siblings.

*Let me take this time to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed being an only child and I unequivocally prefer it to having a sibling. I also feel the need to clarify that what follows or precedes this isn't meant to impugn or insult anyone. Now I shall continue.

As I've gone through life, my experience and my personality have combined to create an existence that, to be quite honest, has felt bereft of love at many points.

*One more thing: this isn't about romance or relationships. I suppose that is part of it, but there's a bigger picture here.

It's usually at those points when I make the worst decisions I've known myself to make (those times and the times when I'm bored).

*No, I'm not in any physical or emotional danger. Once again, means to an end.

I've probably gotten into relationships - and definitely stayed in some longer than I should have - because I haven't enjoyed those times when love was barely (or sub-consciously) existent. Having fewer opportunities to do anything makes you hold onto the opportunities that you have a little stronger than you would otherwise, and I guess that was one form of it for me.

All that said, the one source of love I know I've always had is my parental unit. I know they've always been there for me, and I hope they know I'll always be there for them. That's why I'm moving back home next summer, at my own professional detriment (which could, in all honesty, be huge). I couldn't care less. Maybe it's because I'm a Cancer. Maybe it's because of the stuff mentioned above. Whatever it is, it is.

The love I receive from my parents isn't all I have, but it is all I need. It really is a foundation for me, and the fact that I know I'm not guaranteed to get it from anywhere else only solidifies the need for it. I feel like I'm a necessity to them. I know they are to me. Things just go a little deeper when you're an only child...or maybe just when you're me.

All that brings me to a HuffPost article I read this morning. An elephant gave birth to a calf, and then attacked the calf.

Workers at a zoo in China had to remove the calf from his mother, who was trying to kill him. The calf cried for five hours for his mother, as he obviously did not understand that his depressed parent was trying to do him harm.

To me, that's just heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine the kind of basket case I would be if my mother didn't love me, much less if she physically harmed me (obviously, this goes for my father too). This poor elephant calf, who was just born, had to deal with issues of abandonment that no living thing should ever have to take on. How can one - and yes, I know it's an elephant - possibly go through life knowing that the one who gave it to you tried to take it away...especially when you can't process why?

At this stage in my life, I'm closer to my parents than I am with anyone else. I don't know what I would do if either of them ever turned on me. I can't even comprehend it, and my brain stretches further than that of most people. I can't even stand the thought - and they'll tell you how I avoid it at all costs - of them not being here, so the idea of their presence being negative is too far out there.

This poor elephant calf has to deal with that from day one. It has to live a life that I can't fathom...and I feel horrible for him. Thankfully, people who worked at the zoo were able to calm him down. The mother is depressed, and hopefully (I know nothing of animal medicine) she can get better and somehow be a loving, supportive parent to her child.

As an only child whose vital source of love is his parental unit, this one just really got to me. Love is probably the most basic human emotion other than happiness, and of course the primary source of love (certainly in chronological terms) is the parental unit. Living without that just seems impossible, but that's what this elephant calf is forced to do: at least for the present.

I have plenty of experience in feeling abandoned, isolated, alone, and so on. Plenty. Much of it is of my own doing, I'll freely admit that. This situation, though...all I know is that for what I'm sure if the first time, I'm going to pray for an elephant.

This will happen for two reasons. The first is that through my own experiences, I feel this elephant calf's pain. The second is that because of my own experiences, I never could feel this elephant calf's pain.

Some Thoughts on the Cato Study

See, I thought I was going to be able to write about nonsense and filler…then this Cato study came up. I’m just going to go through the entire study* and post some thoughts.

(*Ed. note: after a certain point it became redundant: this is expressed later.)

“Welfare benefits continue to outpace the income that most recipients can expect to earn from an entry-level job”

Counter-Culture: How My Dating History Disproves a Myth

Let women tell it, dating is supposed to go like this:

Boy Meets Girl. Boy talks up Girl. Boy gets Girl's number. Boy takes Girl out on 2-(however many she feels like) dates. Boy pays for all of them. Eventually, Girl decides Boy is worth a relationship. Boy asks Girl to be in a relationship. Girl accepts.

Now, this is supposed to be the ironclad "my way or the highway" guide to relationship-building. Ask most women you know, not only is this 'the' way to get it done: it's the only way to get it done.

How many of my relationships came from such a pattern?

Can't Go Home Again

So, the last three days have been rather eventful. I was a panelist on a radio show (Listen) Monday, I had a job interview Tuesday, and I had to give a presentation at work today. Throughout the week I had one idea when I got past everything, and even before that I had an idea of what I would do the next time a bunch of stuff actually started happening:

Catfish Confessions

This is going to be amusing and slightly difficult to write at the same time.

So, I've been catfished twice - before it became popular. Shoot, way before it became popular. Both times were during the year I lived in Atlanta (2001-02).

Harry Belafonte vs. Jay Z

In no uncertain terms, I am solidly on the side of Harry Belafonte regarding this situation between him and Jay Z (he dropped the hyphen).

The one thing I side with Jigga on is that entertainers shouldn't feel a responsibility to act as though they have a social conscience. No one should have to do anything they don't want to, no matter what position they find themselves in.

"But that's what the whole thing si about, so you really agree with Jay"...no, it's not: and no, I don't.

Compliments...Sigh

You know, we live in a sad world when complimenting is a crazy game. Even the most well-intentioned, least ulterior, and most good-natured comments are often met with incredulity or even scorn. As such, I’ve decided to write a bit about the struggle: mainly, the criteria I base my compliments on.

Some Thoughts on the Verdict

In what should be a surprise to no one, I have a few thoughts/statements to make regarding the verdict. Going to start with something...that I already said.

"B. Brown thinks they should just let Zimmerman walk out now and save Florida the cost and embarrassment bound to result from this 'trial'." - June 20, 2013 (Facebook status)

20Fine: Part VI (5-1)

This is it...

20Fine: Part V (10-6)

Now the real fun begins...

20Fine: Part IV (15-11)

Getting well into it now...

20Fine: Part III (20-16)

Continuing on...

20Fine: Part II (25-21)

Let's get right to business...

20Fine: Part I (Introduction)

After seeing People and Maxim’s terrible attempts at appreciating aesthetic talent, I decided to try a little exercise of my own. Now, there’s going to be a decent amount of introduction before I get to the actual rankings. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. Actually, I’ll go with one-liners (or close).

Popularity, Crabs, and Condescension

Can we talk about something for a minute? Seriously, I need to get this off my chest.

Black people are forever saying that racism is an American institution. “It’s as American as apple pie and ‘red, white, & blue’ and all that”…sure it is. No argument there. However, we have our own problem that is equally damaging.

Thanks for Playing

Next summer Pat Riley faces one of the more difficult decisions of his tenure as team president. It will be almost impossible for him to keep the Big 3. If he wants to keep the Heat winning, he’s got to make an almost-impossible decision.

He’s got to let one of them go…

Being the Good Bad Guy...or Bad Good Guy

Alright, so I’ve got a situation.

I may have shared this, but one of my best friends is engaged. His fiancé has a friend…and by now y’all know where this is going.

Prospective Commencement Speakers

Commencement is on the horizon for many an undergraduate in the coming weeks (Mine was twelve years ago today), and one of the more interesting subjects that comes up around this time is the list of speakers. Some people have had the Obamas. Dick Cheney spoke at FSU once. Bill Clinton and Soledad O’Brien spoke at different FAMU ceremonies the same spring. I heard Dr. Humphries (in his final semester as president) and a state Supreme Court justice at two of my three graduations (didn’t go to the third). I heard Judge Hatchett at my cousin’s graduation…she was really good.

Anyway: if I were graduating in a couple weeks, who would I want to hear? No, I won’t count anyone I’ve heard already.

Rappers For 30

So, tickets for Yo Gotti (if you don’t know who he is, it’s not important – just know he’s a rapper) a few Saturdays ago were $30. Don’t even ask me if I went.

It made me think, though: what rappers (there’s a decent list of other musicians) would I pay $30 to see? Now, when I say “pay $30 to see”; I mean pay $30 without question under solely my own volition. Therefore, going with a group of friends wouldn’t count. I’m pretty sure it’s a small list: if it weren’t, I’d be writing about the living wage and the middle class or about sisters being nerds. Yes, those are coming down the pike.

So, who would get 30 of my hard-earned dollars?

NBA Playoff Predictions

Shoot, why not...

42 - Part II

I actually ended up talking about the movie a lot longer than I expected, so I decided to just make an additional entry regarding my thoughts that don't directly relate to the movie.

The main take-away from the movie - and from Robinson's life - is that quiet dignity always wins in the end: that keeping your head held high, turning the other cheek, and completing other actions that have been turned into catch phrases that canonize good will always produce positive results.

However, that's not all there is to it.

42 - Part I

Saw *42 this morning. I'm going to give a quick review here, so skip until the break if you plan on seeing it. It was a good movie, not great. The actors with the major roles were good (Nicole Beharie was an excellent casting choice), but minor characters had the best acting jobs. Guy who played Leo Durocher was great. Guy who played Ben Chapman was really good too. The script held things back from the film, though. I thought the movie was a bit soft, and most sportswriters whose reviews I read shared that sentiment.
 

NBA/WWE Comparisons

With WrestleMania in the rearview and “NBA Playoffs” at the ‘Next Exit’ sign, I thought it’d be fun to draw up some comparisons (dang: didn’t realize this one was this long…yes, I wrote the body before the intro and close). No, I'm not saying the NBA is scripted.

Quick Thoughts on The Greinke/Quentin Brawl

I usually don’t post on Fridays, but I’m making an exception today (by the way, I have a decent amount of stuff lined up for the next week or two). Someone needs to set the record straight about this Zack Greinke/Carlos Quentin business.

WrestleMania XXIX Predictions

After the baseball post fiasco – which, to be honest, I’m still quite bummed about – I finally decided to pick it back up and get on to WrestleMania.

This WrestleMania won’t be as much fun as last year’s for two reasons: 1) the card and buildup have both been terrible, and 2) I’m not going like I was last year and will be next year. However, it is the year’s biggest wrestling event so here I go.

Equality and Objectivity

There are many things that I find asinine about people’s opposition to gay marriage. Most of them are quite obvious: namely, what it has to do with their own lives and the religious connotation. I admit, I can almost get to a point of understanding the latter…until I get to that whole thing against judging (speaking of Christianity: not sure how other religions deal with that).

The thing I don’t get, though? “If you support gay marriage, you must be gay.”

FAMU Frustrations

I know what I’m going to say is going to test the bounds of political correctness, but I’ve reached the tipping point on this here subject so it’s time to let rip.

My school has gotten on my absolute nerves with its handling of the Robert Champion situation. I’ve seen so many wrong turns it’s not hard to imagine how the decision-makers could be so lost (figurative sense, of course). I don’t think they’ve gotten one thing right – and only two have been understandable – in this entire sordid affair. Now, I’m just saying all this as an outsider looking in…but since my name’s at the top of this, I’m going to say what I want.

Commencement, Homecoming, Celebrations, and Customs

A while back, the good brother at HBCU Digest asked on Twitter whether homecoming or commencement should be the bigger deal at our schools. Without any hesitation, I stated that homecoming should be the bigger celebration.

The reason has very little to do with the fact that I have attended the best homecoming in America (I don’t care what you DC people say: spending outrageous cash to listen to up-north music is not my idea of a great HC) for seventeen consecutive years. It’s purely based on the other side.

Crying About Onions

I usually don’t do disclaimers, but this isn’t a usual situation.

Nothing I say in this post should be taken in any way to be an endorsement of the event in question. I am in total accord with most of you that the act was despicable – yes, Mr. NABJ president, there’s an ‘e’ in it – and that it should never happen again.

Now it’s time to veer off the path.

Differing Definitions of Diversity

We black folk are funny sometimes.

For the most part, we define ‘diversity’ as meaning “the inclusion of black folk”. In the beginning of the diversity process (i.e. the “colorization of structural America”), this worked since we were the only ones who colorized America.

Dorner Situation Thoughts

I hadn’t planned on this being a two-entry day, but if you watch the news at all…you understand it’s not an ordinary day.

I’m honestly conflicted as to whether I support Chris Dorner. I am not conflicted at all as to how I feel about his stated cause, which is police corruption. Two of my best friends in life and one of my cousins are police officers. I’m sure they would all agree with me that police corruption is a serious problem: maybe not in their units (maybe so), but certainly in general.

Dying Hard on Valentine's Day

I will spend Thursday evening alone. I’ve decided against taking myself out to dinner – I just think it’d be really awkward with all the couples there – but I am going to see A Good Day to Die Hard.

That title makes sense, given the day that it’s coming out. A lot of us – both men and women – are going to be alone because certain things die hard…if they die at all.

The Challenge of Black History Month

It took me a while to think of something to write concerning Black History Month. Then, an idea hit me. What follows is the written illustration of that idea.

Taxes and Integrity

I was working on my taxes and when I got down to the end, I noticed that I owed a dollar.

Yes, ‘a’ – as in one – dollar.

The King Edition, Volume IV

So I've done three of these previously. I thought the first two were pretty good. The third, not so much. I honestly haven't looked at it, nor do I plan to. I may not think it's that bad, I may think it's even worse than I originally thought. My comparatively negative opinion of that third piece is what gives me the inspiration to (hopefully) make this fourth edition better.

(Ed. note: I looked at last year's edition. It wasn't that bad.)

Truth and Te'o

I’m a Miami fan, and I hate Notre Dame. I have no love for anything Notre Dame besides Skylar Diggins. I have surely had my fun from making jokes about this Manti Te’o situation. Even as someone who has been in a “catfish” situation, I laughed about it for almost an entire day.

Strange thing happened, though: I began to feel sorry for Te’o. Maybe it’s because I’m a Cancer. Maybe it’s the social work degree. It’s not because I’ve been in a “catfish” situation. Maybe I’m just more compassionate than I choose – or would like to believe – I am. There’s just something really wrong with this picture.
 

The Best Soundtrack of All Time

The question came across Twitter recently, and I figured my answer was worthy of an explanation.

“What is the best movie soundtrack of all time?”

Not sure if that was the exact wording, but it’s close enough.

You ask a lot of people, you’re going to get a lot of different answers. Some people will say Saturday Night Fever. Some will say The Bodyguard. Some will say Boomerang. Some will say Purple Rain. Some will say New Jersey Drive (with very good reason: it’s #2 to me). I thought Boyz N The Hood, CB4, and Poetic Justice all had their highlights. However, none of these soundtracks is at the top of the list.

Five Points of Light

Finally back...went home for the holidays, which threw off my schedule as I usually write at work. Anyway, let's get to it: this one is about five women whose presence in my life - whether past or present - I really appreciate. I'm not related to them, and I've never dated any of them (nor will I). Not going to name them or disclose any info about how I know them, as a couple of them might be embarrassed - although they may figure out who they are upon reading.

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I'm thoroughly convinced one of them doesn't know how great she is. Don't get me wrong: she knows she's great. She'd admit it if she absolutely had to. I think, though; if someone sat her down - and no, I'm not volunteering - and just went through her accomplishments, achievements, and attributes one by one...she'd probably be surprised at the realization of all the parts that make up a wonderful sum.

One of them, I'm pretty sure she knows...she won't tell you she knows, but she does. She doesn't say how great she is, but that's because she's too busy showing people. Whoever misses it, that's on them. She's consistent, but not boring. She's fun, but not silly. She's direct, but not confrontational. One of the best things about her greatness? The fact that she's so good at handling it.

One of them is definitely smart, driven, focused...but she's here because she's quite possibly the sweetest and most positive person I'll ever meet in life. If you ever have a conversation with her and don't leave with a smile, you need to re-evaluate some things. She's that ray of sunshine that never goes out. The world needs more people like her, but there could be a million and she'd still be special.

One is just amazing, in every sense of the word. How someone can be so "eclectically mesmerizing" is beyond me. She's actually a lot like one of the other women in here, but is different enough that she stands completely on her own. She's also different enough from me in that she's challenged me in a unique way and helped me find the best of myself - something for which I will be forever grateful.

One is simply a joy to be around. There isn't a positive adjective in the English language that doesn't apply to her. Much as I like the other four, she's probably the most personable - and probably puts a smile on my face first, ceteris paribus. She also has that 'je ne sais quoi' - I can't really say why she's in here as easily as I can with the others, I just know that she's here - and should be.

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One of the strange things I've noticed while writing this is that the descriptions are so interchangeable. Any of them could describe any of the women mentioned, at least loosely. None of them would ever be confused for each other (for a myriad of reasons), but they are all truly special people - and I feel honored that I know them all.