Let women tell it, dating is supposed to go like this:
Boy Meets Girl. Boy talks up Girl. Boy gets Girl's number. Boy takes Girl out on 2-(however many she feels like) dates. Boy pays for all of them. Eventually, Girl decides Boy is worth a relationship. Boy asks Girl to be in a relationship. Girl accepts.
Now, this is supposed to be the ironclad "my way or the highway" guide to relationship-building. Ask most women you know, not only is this 'the' way to get it done: it's the only way to get it done.
How many of my relationships came from such a pattern?
Zero.
Not one.
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"I'll meet him at the restaurant/movies/park/wherever: he can't know where I live."
How many of my relationships started with a date/meeting at her place?
Half of them.
The other half started at my place.
Y'all keep believing that nonsense that y'all get fed in the social networks. "We have to go out on x amount of dates and he has to be the knight in shining armor and he can't ever touch me"...yip yip yap.
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This isn't on Facebook (where the padres are) so...all of my relationships involved first-outing 'fun' except two.
I stopped it once and the other time we never did anything - but if non-course fun counts, then put that into the first-outing category.
To recap: every one of my relationships that ever had any physical activity started off with said activity unless I stopped it.
So we can stop with the "men don't respect you if you enjoy them early"...at least without the caveat that the men need to be chosen carefully.
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Now, this isn't meant to toot up my dating history in any way. If all of my relationships had the characteristics described above, that of course means none of them started with the scenario described at the very top of this piece that's pushed on us at every turn. I've tried it, and I'm 0-forever doing things that way.
"You must be used to me spending...and all that sweet wining and dining..."
Sorry, had to throw that in there.
Before I continue: of course I took my ex-girlfriends out on dates and spent freely and so on. I can't even say that I made some conscientious decision to date my ex-girlfriends because of the pattern. Just how things turned out. I'm not averse to effort at all (and every last one of them will tell you this: actually, they'll tell my issue might be on the other side of the spectrum).
That said, there's no way y'all are going to status and tweet me into believing that I have to wine and dine my way into love.
Not when I have 16 years of personal experience that says exactly the opposite.
I understand that y'all have to "keep your standards high" (I'll leave the fact about that being a misnomer alone for now) and not be readily available for everyone, but that becomes less of a concern with better choices.
Gregg Easterbrook has what he calls the Law of Weasel Coaches: "when you hire a coach who's in it for himself, you get a coach who's in it for himself". I think that's pretty apt when it comes to this subject. If you're all about you - your preferences, your rules, your ideas - how am I supposed to believe that you have sufficient interest in me to build anything other than your ego?
There's no hook on my head and it's not Christmas: I will not be your ornament to show your friends and family. "He's got this education and he works there and he's"...looking for the 'eject' button.
First and foremost, I'm a person. I have idiosyncrasies. I'm not like everyone else. I'm me. I'm special. I'm unique. I don't conform. If you can't see that and appreciate me for who I am, if you have to try to fit me into your view of how a relationship should go, if you think you're going to absorb me rather than complement me: well, you don't deserve to be part of my dating future. I can make a different kind of history with someone else...and I will have not the slightest bit of sympathy for you if you fail to do the same.
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