Elephants, Parents, and Love

As you all may or may not know, I'm an only child. Part of my 'only child' experience is the fact that I don't have as many sources - especially not of the close variety - to give and receive love as people who have siblings.

*Let me take this time to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed being an only child and I unequivocally prefer it to having a sibling. I also feel the need to clarify that what follows or precedes this isn't meant to impugn or insult anyone. Now I shall continue.

As I've gone through life, my experience and my personality have combined to create an existence that, to be quite honest, has felt bereft of love at many points.

*One more thing: this isn't about romance or relationships. I suppose that is part of it, but there's a bigger picture here.

It's usually at those points when I make the worst decisions I've known myself to make (those times and the times when I'm bored).

*No, I'm not in any physical or emotional danger. Once again, means to an end.

I've probably gotten into relationships - and definitely stayed in some longer than I should have - because I haven't enjoyed those times when love was barely (or sub-consciously) existent. Having fewer opportunities to do anything makes you hold onto the opportunities that you have a little stronger than you would otherwise, and I guess that was one form of it for me.

All that said, the one source of love I know I've always had is my parental unit. I know they've always been there for me, and I hope they know I'll always be there for them. That's why I'm moving back home next summer, at my own professional detriment (which could, in all honesty, be huge). I couldn't care less. Maybe it's because I'm a Cancer. Maybe it's because of the stuff mentioned above. Whatever it is, it is.

The love I receive from my parents isn't all I have, but it is all I need. It really is a foundation for me, and the fact that I know I'm not guaranteed to get it from anywhere else only solidifies the need for it. I feel like I'm a necessity to them. I know they are to me. Things just go a little deeper when you're an only child...or maybe just when you're me.

All that brings me to a HuffPost article I read this morning. An elephant gave birth to a calf, and then attacked the calf.

Workers at a zoo in China had to remove the calf from his mother, who was trying to kill him. The calf cried for five hours for his mother, as he obviously did not understand that his depressed parent was trying to do him harm.

To me, that's just heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine the kind of basket case I would be if my mother didn't love me, much less if she physically harmed me (obviously, this goes for my father too). This poor elephant calf, who was just born, had to deal with issues of abandonment that no living thing should ever have to take on. How can one - and yes, I know it's an elephant - possibly go through life knowing that the one who gave it to you tried to take it away...especially when you can't process why?

At this stage in my life, I'm closer to my parents than I am with anyone else. I don't know what I would do if either of them ever turned on me. I can't even comprehend it, and my brain stretches further than that of most people. I can't even stand the thought - and they'll tell you how I avoid it at all costs - of them not being here, so the idea of their presence being negative is too far out there.

This poor elephant calf has to deal with that from day one. It has to live a life that I can't fathom...and I feel horrible for him. Thankfully, people who worked at the zoo were able to calm him down. The mother is depressed, and hopefully (I know nothing of animal medicine) she can get better and somehow be a loving, supportive parent to her child.

As an only child whose vital source of love is his parental unit, this one just really got to me. Love is probably the most basic human emotion other than happiness, and of course the primary source of love (certainly in chronological terms) is the parental unit. Living without that just seems impossible, but that's what this elephant calf is forced to do: at least for the present.

I have plenty of experience in feeling abandoned, isolated, alone, and so on. Plenty. Much of it is of my own doing, I'll freely admit that. This situation, though...all I know is that for what I'm sure if the first time, I'm going to pray for an elephant.

This will happen for two reasons. The first is that through my own experiences, I feel this elephant calf's pain. The second is that because of my own experiences, I never could feel this elephant calf's pain.

Some Thoughts on the Cato Study

See, I thought I was going to be able to write about nonsense and filler…then this Cato study came up. I’m just going to go through the entire study* and post some thoughts.

(*Ed. note: after a certain point it became redundant: this is expressed later.)

“Welfare benefits continue to outpace the income that most recipients can expect to earn from an entry-level job”

Counter-Culture: How My Dating History Disproves a Myth

Let women tell it, dating is supposed to go like this:

Boy Meets Girl. Boy talks up Girl. Boy gets Girl's number. Boy takes Girl out on 2-(however many she feels like) dates. Boy pays for all of them. Eventually, Girl decides Boy is worth a relationship. Boy asks Girl to be in a relationship. Girl accepts.

Now, this is supposed to be the ironclad "my way or the highway" guide to relationship-building. Ask most women you know, not only is this 'the' way to get it done: it's the only way to get it done.

How many of my relationships came from such a pattern?

Can't Go Home Again

So, the last three days have been rather eventful. I was a panelist on a radio show (Listen) Monday, I had a job interview Tuesday, and I had to give a presentation at work today. Throughout the week I had one idea when I got past everything, and even before that I had an idea of what I would do the next time a bunch of stuff actually started happening:

Catfish Confessions

This is going to be amusing and slightly difficult to write at the same time.

So, I've been catfished twice - before it became popular. Shoot, way before it became popular. Both times were during the year I lived in Atlanta (2001-02).

Harry Belafonte vs. Jay Z

In no uncertain terms, I am solidly on the side of Harry Belafonte regarding this situation between him and Jay Z (he dropped the hyphen).

The one thing I side with Jigga on is that entertainers shouldn't feel a responsibility to act as though they have a social conscience. No one should have to do anything they don't want to, no matter what position they find themselves in.

"But that's what the whole thing si about, so you really agree with Jay"...no, it's not: and no, I don't.

Compliments...Sigh

You know, we live in a sad world when complimenting is a crazy game. Even the most well-intentioned, least ulterior, and most good-natured comments are often met with incredulity or even scorn. As such, I’ve decided to write a bit about the struggle: mainly, the criteria I base my compliments on.

20Fine: Part VI (5-1)

This is it...

20Fine: Part V (10-6)

Now the real fun begins...

20Fine: Part IV (15-11)

Getting well into it now...

20Fine: Part III (20-16)

Continuing on...

20Fine: Part II (25-21)

Let's get right to business...

20Fine: Part I (Introduction)

After seeing People and Maxim’s terrible attempts at appreciating aesthetic talent, I decided to try a little exercise of my own. Now, there’s going to be a decent amount of introduction before I get to the actual rankings. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. Actually, I’ll go with one-liners (or close).

Prospective Commencement Speakers

Commencement is on the horizon for many an undergraduate in the coming weeks (Mine was twelve years ago today), and one of the more interesting subjects that comes up around this time is the list of speakers. Some people have had the Obamas. Dick Cheney spoke at FSU once. Bill Clinton and Soledad O’Brien spoke at different FAMU ceremonies the same spring. I heard Dr. Humphries (in his final semester as president) and a state Supreme Court justice at two of my three graduations (didn’t go to the third). I heard Judge Hatchett at my cousin’s graduation…she was really good.

Anyway: if I were graduating in a couple weeks, who would I want to hear? No, I won’t count anyone I’ve heard already.

Equality and Objectivity

There are many things that I find asinine about people’s opposition to gay marriage. Most of them are quite obvious: namely, what it has to do with their own lives and the religious connotation. I admit, I can almost get to a point of understanding the latter…until I get to that whole thing against judging (speaking of Christianity: not sure how other religions deal with that).

The thing I don’t get, though? “If you support gay marriage, you must be gay.”

FAMU Frustrations

I know what I’m going to say is going to test the bounds of political correctness, but I’ve reached the tipping point on this here subject so it’s time to let rip.

My school has gotten on my absolute nerves with its handling of the Robert Champion situation. I’ve seen so many wrong turns it’s not hard to imagine how the decision-makers could be so lost (figurative sense, of course). I don’t think they’ve gotten one thing right – and only two have been understandable – in this entire sordid affair. Now, I’m just saying all this as an outsider looking in…but since my name’s at the top of this, I’m going to say what I want.

Commencement, Homecoming, Celebrations, and Customs

A while back, the good brother at HBCU Digest asked on Twitter whether homecoming or commencement should be the bigger deal at our schools. Without any hesitation, I stated that homecoming should be the bigger celebration.

The reason has very little to do with the fact that I have attended the best homecoming in America (I don’t care what you DC people say: spending outrageous cash to listen to up-north music is not my idea of a great HC) for seventeen consecutive years. It’s purely based on the other side.

Crying About Onions

I usually don’t do disclaimers, but this isn’t a usual situation.

Nothing I say in this post should be taken in any way to be an endorsement of the event in question. I am in total accord with most of you that the act was despicable – yes, Mr. NABJ president, there’s an ‘e’ in it – and that it should never happen again.

Now it’s time to veer off the path.

Dorner Situation Thoughts

I hadn’t planned on this being a two-entry day, but if you watch the news at all…you understand it’s not an ordinary day.

I’m honestly conflicted as to whether I support Chris Dorner. I am not conflicted at all as to how I feel about his stated cause, which is police corruption. Two of my best friends in life and one of my cousins are police officers. I’m sure they would all agree with me that police corruption is a serious problem: maybe not in their units (maybe so), but certainly in general.

Taxes and Integrity

I was working on my taxes and when I got down to the end, I noticed that I owed a dollar.

Yes, ‘a’ – as in one – dollar.