Being the Good Bad Guy...or Bad Good Guy

Alright, so I’ve got a situation.

I may have shared this, but one of my best friends is engaged. His fiancé has a friend…and by now y’all know where this is going.

Prospective Commencement Speakers

Commencement is on the horizon for many an undergraduate in the coming weeks (Mine was twelve years ago today), and one of the more interesting subjects that comes up around this time is the list of speakers. Some people have had the Obamas. Dick Cheney spoke at FSU once. Bill Clinton and Soledad O’Brien spoke at different FAMU ceremonies the same spring. I heard Dr. Humphries (in his final semester as president) and a state Supreme Court justice at two of my three graduations (didn’t go to the third). I heard Judge Hatchett at my cousin’s graduation…she was really good.

Anyway: if I were graduating in a couple weeks, who would I want to hear? No, I won’t count anyone I’ve heard already.

Dorner Situation Thoughts

I hadn’t planned on this being a two-entry day, but if you watch the news at all…you understand it’s not an ordinary day.

I’m honestly conflicted as to whether I support Chris Dorner. I am not conflicted at all as to how I feel about his stated cause, which is police corruption. Two of my best friends in life and one of my cousins are police officers. I’m sure they would all agree with me that police corruption is a serious problem: maybe not in their units (maybe so), but certainly in general.

Why I Would Marry Me

Was answering a bunch of questions on Twitter (@OigoLasVoces, if anyone out there cares but doesn’t already know) and one was particularly interesting.

You can probably tell what it was – well, you’d be pretty close – by the title (question was whether you would date you). Of course I’d date me…as the title also indicated. Why?

Happy Birthday, Granny

Contrary to what most may believe, the majority of these things are not personal.

This one is.

Today would have been my paternal grandmother’s 100^th birthday. It’s not the easiest thing to talk about, but as many in my family know…talking about Granny since she passed never has been. Matter of fact, I’m going to put the over/under of “times I tear up writing this” at 3.5 - and I may only end up taking the under because I’m writing this at work. Anyway, it’s supposed to be that way. I’m supposed to feel like this. I’m supposed to feel terrible that I’m reduced to writing this note as opposed to being at home with my family. I’m supposed to feel bad that I can’t go to the northwest corner of 19^th and 31^st to put flowers on her grave.

Why am I supposed to feel this way? The reason is simple: I lost more than a grandmother on May 25, 1996. I lost something else too on that day - and so did many other people - but I didn’t realize it until later. First, a little bit on how losing a grandmother was more than enough.

I’m not going to say my grandmother was a perfect person. She certainly wasn’t the grandmother from one of these TV shows (okay, so she somewhat resembled Sophia from ‘The Golden Girls’) who did nothing but bake apple pies and never had a mean bone in her body. She would get with you if she needed to. Wouldn’t think twice about it, either. And woe be unto you if you had it coming from her, whether verbal or physical.

Here’s the thing, though: through all the whuppings - not spankings, whuppings- that she handed out, everyone loved her. And when I say everyone, I mean everyone. Inside or outside my family, she may be one of a handful of people that I’ve never heard anyone say anything bad about. Like I said before, she wasn’t that always-smiling stereotypical grandmother…but it didn’t matter. Everyone loved Granny, and everyone respected Granny.

I haven’t seen Soul Food in a long time, but if I remember the gist of the movie it mirrors my view of my family’s life. The other thing that Granny provided - and that we lost after she passed - was her ability to hold our family together. As most people reading this know, I have a rather large extended family. Group dynamics and simple odds dictate that one large group will eventually turn into multiple smaller groups. Granny kept that from happening. Looking back, I’m not sure how she did it. It’s not like she demanded that we have huge family gatherings every holiday, but we did. She didn’t say to go to this person’s house or that person’s house, but we did. We just found a way to stay together while she was with us…and then things changed.

In full disclosure, I may be magnifying this a bit because Granny’s passing coincided with the time I left for FAMU. Even then, things didn’t quite feel the same when I came home. The family gatherings were smaller. Some people didn’t come around as much. Some relatives only visited with each other. Things just didn’t seem the same. We were a lot more segmented. This has gotten closer to how it used to be, but it’s still not the same. Now it seems that some relatives have either given up or been ex-communicated from their seats at the proverbial table because of past actions or current habits.

In a family, everyone is obviously not going to agree with everything that everyone else does. I don’t agree with a lot of things my family members have done, and I’m sure that quite a few of them don’t agree with a lot of things I’ve done. However, I can’t think of one relative I have who I wouldn’t invite to a gathering and I’d like to think that no one would dissociate with me in such a manner - or at least not be upset if I showed up somewhere with some notice. Nowhere in any definition of ‘family’ have I seen that a single accord in action and belief is a prerequisite. I’ve also never seen where inviting someone to your home is a tacit statement that you condone every single one of their life choices (if that were the case, I’d be welcome in a lot fewer homes than I am now).

That’s what Granny got. She might not have agreed with everything you did…and there was a pretty good chance that she’d voice any disagreement she had…but she didn’t shut you out. That wasn’t in her nature. You’d get talked about like a dog - and if Granny talked about you that way, you most likely deserved it - but she was always happy to have you in her life, the same way everyone was (and still is) happy to have her in theirs.

As is often the case with the younger populace, I failed to appreciate everything that Granny had to offer. I’m not talking about the dollar or two that she gave me for my birthday or Christmas: I cherished those much more than the larger monetary gifts I got from others simply because they were from her. I failed to appreciate her wisdom, her experience, her loving heart, her ability to keep the family together…until it was too late. When I got to high school and especially when I started driving, my parents would ask me to go to her house…but I didn’t go nearly often enough. Sixteen years later, I still haven’t forgiven myself for those decisions. I’m not sure I ever will.

Maybe that guilt has something to do with why I still have a TV in my apartment that hasn’t worked all that well for a year and a half (it was given to me after she passed). Maybe it’s the appreciation that I have now that leaves me almost sick with myself for being able to do nothing more than write a lousy note to commemorate what would have been her 100^th birthday. Maybe that’s why I hold on so close to the memories that I do have. Maybe that’s why I’m on occurrence #6 - first full paragraph, in case anyone forgot. Maybe it’s a big part of the reason why I want to move back home, and why money matters less with each passing day. Maybe that’s why I tell everyone I can to spend every minute possible with their grandparents and older relatives, to seize the opportunities that I didn’t.

Or maybe that last paragraph has nothing to do with guilt. Maybe I’m just someone who loves and misses his grandmother. Maybe I wish I could hear her talk about working in a pizza parlor while hating pizza. Maybe I wish I could hear her call one of my cousins by a name that no one else ever dared use. Maybe I miss the way she always made me feel better while I was sick. Maybe I miss the mango tree in her yard. Maybe I miss Libra. Maybe I just miss having the chance to say…

…happy birthday, Granny.

No, I'm Not Perfect

I promised myself I wouldn’t try to rationalize or sugar-coat these things (at least individually). At the same time, I will say that I have little to no interest in changing them. My imperfections make me ‘me’ the same way that my positive attributes do. It’s all part of the same package.

*Note: none of these will be physical. If you think my being short or skinny is an imperfection, then…nah, won’t go there.

The Fabulous Straight-Edge Life

Over the last month I’ve mentioned CM Punk and his straight-edge lifestyle quite a bit. I’ve also gone into my own “straight-edgeness” (if you will) and related it to that of Punk and his ongoing storyline with Chris Jericho.

Don’t worry: this one won’t focus on wrestling much, if at all.

Brown Isn't Really Black

Was thinking about something to write about and had no clue. Was going to simply do a 20-something and then the idea came to me. In honor of this whole Coming To America thing, I'm going to talk about a few things that (most) black people (I know) like and I don't...and things I like that (most) black people (I know) don't. They won't be grouped together, as I'm thinking of them randomly.

A Cult of Two Personalities (Part II)

So I left off with how the current CM Punk storyline mirrors my own life in a few ways, particularly a possible effect of something that Chris Jericho said. Last week (right after I posted), Punk mentioned in a promo that he was proud of the strides his father has made. That’s where I’ll pick up.

Reasons...Three Months Later

So, as most everyone knows; I decided three months ago that I was done with women/dating. In this time, I have thought about a few things and I am still as grounded as ever in my decision. I don’t think I ever gave expanded reasoning for it, other than outlining the events that led to it. I’ll go ahead and do that, under the guise of explaining why it is so easy to stick with it.

American Pride

As many of y’all - shoot, just about everyone reading this on FB should - know, I’m from South Florida. Everyone also knows that South Florida has a large population of people who come from the islands.

Note: if you’re from the islands (especially if you’re female), you’re liable to not like me very much by the end of this piece.

For some reason I thought back to a time in high school when I was asked this question (by one of my FB friends, actually)…

What Joe Paterno Taught Me

So I have an entry that I was going to put on here tonight. It's a rather lengthy piece, enough so that I will have to split it up. That'll have to wait.

As everyone probably knows by now, Joe Paterno passed away this morning. Even if you don't follow sports, you know the Paterno story because of a louse named Jerry Sandusky. As us sports fans know, there was a lot more to Paterno - and much of that will dominate sports news in the coming days.

We'll hear about Paterno's wins. His 409th win - which would turn out to be his last - put him past Eddie Robinson and lifted him into first place all-time in that category. We'll hear about the two national titles, the second of which will forever unnerve me as a Miami fan. We may even hear about the philanthropy: Paterno and his family gave millions to Penn State. One thing that we'll definitely hear about is his forming young minds to become productive members of society and his teaching hundreds of former players. It's the teaching part that I want to focus on.

A New Dress Code

I’ve been thinking lately that I need to upgrade my wardrobe. “So what”…well, honestly; there’s a little bit more to it than that. The upgrade thoughts - and I’ll admit, a certain vodka commercial…even though I don’t drink - led to the idea that I should establish a new dress code for myself (for lack of a better term). The basic outline is below.

Incomprehensible

In the last few weeks - not because of the dating thing, but it does relate - I’ve figured out something about myself that…well, to be honest; I already knew it. I figured out why I’m such a difficult person to really get to know or get close to.

I’m impossible to (completely) understand.

A 2011 Review

 What happened this past year? Let's see...

Music

I’m not even going to lie: music stunk in 2011. Usually I can come up with long lists of songs I’ve liked, but I’m going to struggle to come up with a decently long list of songs that actually came out (or really hit the scene) in 2011. Since I enjoy, challenges, though…

Will I Know How?

(Emptying out the 'dating/relationship' queue...)

As you all may have noticed, I haven’t had the greatest success with dating/relationship (not that anything has even reached said status, but for purposes of nomenclature it makes sense to use the term) in 2011. The other day I started thinking: if by some minor miracle, I meet someone who interests me sufficiently, will I know how to handle it? I’m not sure, and there are a few mistakes I could see myself making.

Rules of Engagement

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before, but I’m going to assume that I haven’t and talk about something that needs to be talked about: rules.

We all have them. No, I’m not talking about dating preferences. I’m talking about simple rules we have that mainly concern our interaction with others.

I’m famous for some of mine…as a matter of fact, I’ll frame this post off those and then speak generally as I talk about each one.

The Difference Between Worth and Value

As those who follow me on Twitter know, I went through a situation (or two) leaving me thinking a lot about these two terms. Looking the two up on The Free Dictionary, I saw that each term has a definition that I would have applied to the other. Value is more internal, while worth is more external (I thought it was the other way around). So when people say “know your worth”, they’re speaking somewhat inaccurately according to the source named above.

I’ve been left to wonder about my worth - please believe value is never in question - thanks to situations like the ones alluded to above and those similar in nature that have preceded it. Just to give an overview of what happened a couple weeks ago: this girl and I were somewhat in the talking phase and Thursday (11/3) she told me she was talking to and starting to fall for another guy. Friday I went out with another girl. Saturday I went out with the other girl again. Sunday I texted the other girl. Have yet to hear back from the other girl. The first girl talked to me (as in ‘initiated conversation’) Monday, and we ended up agreeing to have lunch in Orlando next weekend. Tuesday I thought more about it and decided to not go to lunch (she's still into the other guy). Wednesday she passed it off and basically said "whatever". Anyway, back to this value/worth thing.

See, value is determined by me - and I believe I’m pretty valuable. No, I’m not going to talk about resume-type things. It’s not about that. I just happen to think that the total being of me is valuable. I think I have a lot of good qualities, so on and so forth.

Worth? Now that’s a completely different story. Worth, in this dating/relationship sense, is determined by the women I’ve encountered (for the purposes of this discussion, we’re going to limit the time frame to 2011). Given that framing, let’s look at the evidence. One girl planned a date and never showed (thankfully, I was smart enough not to show either). One girl changed her number and didn’t tell me. One girl said she didn’t have a phone, gave me her e-mail address, and then never responded. You’ve read about the last two above.

Allow me to feel pretty close to worthless…but still with a lot of value.

I think people get the two confused - if not by thinking that each is the other like I did, then by thinking that they’re the same. For instance, if I tell one of my female friends I’m worthless (or something to that extent) I usually have to clarify and say that I’m not talking about my opinion of me. My opinion of me is fine: I just don’t get why it’s so different than everyone else’s.

Had a conversation the other day in which I said that women often/usually pass over the good men (of which I swear there are more of than most women care to admit) for the flashy types. I then cycled through my male friends and realized that nearly all of my more flashy friends are in relationships. The one guy who’s probably less flashy than me? Single as I am. The flashiest of friends have never been without women chasing them, and the only question was whether they allowed themselves to be caught. I’m not sure what that says. Maybe flashing value correlates to - or is - worth.

If so, then I guess I’ll have to remain worthless. As value is defined internally, I’ll say that most - if not all - of my value comes from being me. Whatever I am, being that is essentially my value. No, I’m not Mister Look-At-Me. I’m not going to walk around with a T-shirt that says “You should date me because…” on the front and a list of reasons on the back. Love it or leave it, take it or hate it: doesn’t matter to me. It may make me worthless, but I guarantee I’ll still be valuable.

Five Misconceptions About Me

Sorry I couldn't come up with a cool acronym...

...as straightforward as I am, I think I'm funny in that sometimes certain parts of my personality shine at the expense of others. For that reason (and also to buy myself time as I work on another piece and lament the loss of my flash drive, which had a good 3-4 already finished pieces on it), I'll present five common misconceptions about me. I have a strange feeling these may have a common theme - no, I don't know what I'm going to write yet. I never do. It's more fun that way. Matter of fact, let's start with that.

The 'Should Have Been' Dating Order

(This is an exclusive, as it’s more personal than something I would put on Facebook).

Out of the blue, I had this thought one day: what if I dated the same women that I have dated, but in a different order or at a different time? Would things have gone better? Hmm. We’ll let’s see what happens when I “think aloud” about this.