Rules of Engagement

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before, but I’m going to assume that I haven’t and talk about something that needs to be talked about: rules.

We all have them. No, I’m not talking about dating preferences. I’m talking about simple rules we have that mainly concern our interaction with others.

I’m famous for some of mine…as a matter of fact, I’ll frame this post off those and then speak generally as I talk about each one.

1. Do not call me during WWE Raw.

This one inspired the post, so it only makes sense to start here. I got a call Monday night at 11 - at the end of the show, during the title match between CM Punk and Alberto del Rio - from someone whose birthday was Monday. I quickly ignored the call and tweeted that someone’s celebrating another year is insufficient reason to interrupt my watching my show.

Turns out I was right in this instance, as she mentioned that her somewhat wannabe man forgot her birthday.

I’ll take this very opportune time to explain why I have this rule. Do you know how upset I’d have been to have my attention diverted from a free championship match to listen to that? Let’s just say the phrase “more harm than good” would have been quite a propos. No one’s going to confuse the present Raw episodes with the ones that were airing when I came up with the rule, but the rule still exists. Respect my time.

2. Do not ask me to leave my house during football weekends.

I am persona non grata during Saturday and Sunday afternoons in the fall. Depending on the game I’m watching and/or where I am, you’re lucky if I answer the phone (if I’m not home, you can pretty much forget it). There is no way, though; that I’m leaving my comfortable bed and NFL RedZone - which I pay a premium for - to do pretty much anything. My own stuff (grocery shopping, household stuff, etc.) does not happen between 1 and approximately 7:30.

Yes, there’s a case here too: someone texted me Sunday afternoon, asking if I was in town and busy. I was in town, but I was all in on Patriots/Eagles. Having that spider sense and thinking I was going to be asked to depart from the game, I waited an hour before returning the text.

Once again, smart move. She wanted a ride home from the bus station after she got back into town. So you want me to come downtown to pick you up at the bus station, take you to your place on the other side of town, and then probably listen to you talk about your trip…instead of staying in my bed and watching a game I’d waited all day for? Psh.

3. Do not call me while I am doing something dating/relationship-related.

This one obviously doesn’t come into play as much as the other two, but…okay, there’s a case for this too. Same someone from #1 called me and same someone from #2 texted me multiple times while I was out on a date a few weeks ago. I was particularly annoyed since it was a first date, but be that as it may: if I don’t pick up and don’t return your call or text, don’t call back. This would seem to me to be common sense. There is obviously some reason I’m not answering the phone or replying, so let it be. Let me try to get some business of my own so I’ll be too busy to hear about yours all the time…you know, that might be what people are trying to prevent. Hmm.

4. If I attempt to communicate with you, please respond via the same method of communication.

If I’m calling you, there is obviously something I want to talk to you about. If I’m texting you, there’s a reason I’m not calling. This is part common courtesy and part common sense. Golden Rule, all that kind of thing. Text means I’m in class or at work or stuck inside a meeting of some sort. Call means there’s a matter that’s not going to be handled in 160-character messages.

5. Do not call me between 11 PM and 8 AM (10 AM on weekends).

There’s just no reason for this. If I think you’re asleep, I’m going to wait until the next day unless it’s just that crucial (throwing in the disclaimer because there was one instance in which I did this - but I thought she was up…and think I was right). If I’m up at 11, one of two things is on my mind: club or sleep. I’m not thinking about the issues of the day or what Dr. Joyce Brothers would do in a situation or anything like that. Club or sleep. That’s it.

6. If you only contact me for some type of advice or to borrow money, don’t.

There are few things more irritating than that feeling of “oh, they want something” when you see a certain number show up on your phone. I think we’ve all had those situations, and we’ve all gotten to the point where people just had to leave our circles of communication because they were just that one-sided and needy. People can ask for advice or to borrow money, but when that’s all one does the act wears thin after a while. I can’t tell y’all how many people have fallen by the wayside off this, but I can tell you that I surely let them fall.

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After going through those, I remembered where I was going to go with this. There are…I don’t want to say “levels of friendship”, but there is a direct relationship between closeness and willingness on my part to bend the rules. If I have a girlfriend (insert laugh track here), she’s exempt from all rules except the first one. Of course they’re all thrown out the window when it comes to the parental units and closer family members.

Now here’s the thing of it all: following the rules at first is the best way to get past them (with me, anyway). If you don’t respect the rules, you’re going to unnerve me - whether I tell you so or not - and limit your chances of getting to the land of exempt.

I think what people don’t understand is that getting people to the land of exempt is why I put the rules in place. I want to like people. I really do. The rules steer people away from doing things that could make me not like them. The rules are part of my effort to foster relationships with people - right along with being friendly myself and other such things - so that they can grow in an optimal manner. I am protecting people from themselves. I should be commended.

Anyway, we all have our rules. Don’t call while my show is on. Don’t refer to me by some childhood nickname when we’re out in public. The list obviously varies by person, and that’s alright. It’s alright to have rules. You know why? We know us. We know how to get along with us. If we want people to get along with us, then telling people our rules - and hopefully, their following of the rules - will help that process. It’s all about making things easier through clear communication. It’s not an exercise in being mean and ornery: it’s actually the exact opposite.

So that’s my piece on rules and how their existence is more helpful than harmful when it comes to the wonderful world of social engagement. If you have rules, be proud of them. If not, you might want to establish a couple. They make things so much easier in the long run.