I’ve been slow on the non-football writing (actually, this isn’t true: I lost my thumb drive yet again and it had some complete-but-yet-to-be-published stuff on it) so I figured it was time (once I came up with something). This is totally random, but I think it’ll make sense.
I was thinking about my complication level in comparison to those of most men I know. Now I’ve never thought of myself as complicated, but I’m aware that some women have thought of me as just that. They’re entitled to their prerogatives: I just happen to disagree. I don’t think I’m complicated so much as…layered, multifaceted, eclectic, whatever.
Maybe that does make me complicated in the sense that one has to vibe with me on more than one level to really hold my interest. You can’t just be a sports fan or just like music or just like politics - you have to bring more than one thing to the table (unless you like baseball: then you’re in like Flynn). However, when people are described as complicated; that’s not the way they mean. People say others are complicated in how they present themselves…which isn’t a problem of mine.
I will say that I know men who present themselves to women in different ways at different times. I don’t know many, but I know a few. They’re super-outgoing in some instances, but clam up like they should be on Red Lobster menus in others. This does not necessarily make them “flaw” (although those men do this a lot), but it provides a cautionary tale all the same.
Stated another way: if a man is holding back, clamming up, withdrawing, or behaving in such a manner; something is wrong. He’s either not interested in you or doing something to make you not interested in him.
Is this true in all cases? No. However, I feel comfortable in saying that the ladies should play the odds on this one. There are enough of us out here who’ll be straight-up that women shouldn’t have to play guessing games with anyone.
Think about it: men are anatomically and socially designed to be outward-acting creatures. We express our emotions in an outward manner. We’re physical. We’re taught to be hunters, aggressors, fighters, initiators, and so on. Almost everything we do has some outward, projecting aspect. We’re not the ones to hold things in.
Know what that means? We’re not wired to keep secrets.
Let me say that again.
We’re not wired to keep secrets.
If you ask a man a question and he doesn’t give you a direct answer, that should be an ugly neon sign. If you call a man and he doesn’t call back in a reasonable manner (or tries to avoid you in some other way? Same thing. If he clams up? Same thing. Withdraws? Same thing.
Obviously, there are cases in which this isn’t true - but I imagine you all would know that.
Using myself as somewhat of an example: a woman can usually tell my level of interest in her by how much information I volunteer. If you have to (not if you do, but if you have to) ask me a lot of questions to get me to open up to you, I’m not that interested. Maybe I will be at some point - if it’s early - but I’m not there yet. If I’m there, you’re going to know everything about me because I’m going to tell you. I don’t want anyone to be surprised by anything, so I put myself out there as much as sensibly possible.
I’m not saying everyone should or will be as open as I can be. I’m using myself as an illustration of the idea that variation in openness can occur with anyone (‘more open’ to ‘less open’ should be just as noticeable as ‘somewhat open’ to ‘clammed up’). You just have to watch for the signs and compare people to themselves - as opposed to comparing them to others…which is a subject all its own.
If he doesn’t tell you where he’s going and he usually does, take note. If he doesn’t offer information that he usually offers, keep a mental record of it. If he withdraws without any apparent reason, then you might want to think twice. We’re outward-acting creatures. Now if one of us turns inward, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not a man. It could be a sign, though; that he’s not the man for you.
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