Elephants, Parents, and Love

As you all may or may not know, I'm an only child. Part of my 'only child' experience is the fact that I don't have as many sources - especially not of the close variety - to give and receive love as people who have siblings.

*Let me take this time to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed being an only child and I unequivocally prefer it to having a sibling. I also feel the need to clarify that what follows or precedes this isn't meant to impugn or insult anyone. Now I shall continue.

As I've gone through life, my experience and my personality have combined to create an existence that, to be quite honest, has felt bereft of love at many points.

*One more thing: this isn't about romance or relationships. I suppose that is part of it, but there's a bigger picture here.

It's usually at those points when I make the worst decisions I've known myself to make (those times and the times when I'm bored).

*No, I'm not in any physical or emotional danger. Once again, means to an end.

I've probably gotten into relationships - and definitely stayed in some longer than I should have - because I haven't enjoyed those times when love was barely (or sub-consciously) existent. Having fewer opportunities to do anything makes you hold onto the opportunities that you have a little stronger than you would otherwise, and I guess that was one form of it for me.

All that said, the one source of love I know I've always had is my parental unit. I know they've always been there for me, and I hope they know I'll always be there for them. That's why I'm moving back home next summer, at my own professional detriment (which could, in all honesty, be huge). I couldn't care less. Maybe it's because I'm a Cancer. Maybe it's because of the stuff mentioned above. Whatever it is, it is.

The love I receive from my parents isn't all I have, but it is all I need. It really is a foundation for me, and the fact that I know I'm not guaranteed to get it from anywhere else only solidifies the need for it. I feel like I'm a necessity to them. I know they are to me. Things just go a little deeper when you're an only child...or maybe just when you're me.

All that brings me to a HuffPost article I read this morning. An elephant gave birth to a calf, and then attacked the calf.

Workers at a zoo in China had to remove the calf from his mother, who was trying to kill him. The calf cried for five hours for his mother, as he obviously did not understand that his depressed parent was trying to do him harm.

To me, that's just heartbreaking. I couldn't imagine the kind of basket case I would be if my mother didn't love me, much less if she physically harmed me (obviously, this goes for my father too). This poor elephant calf, who was just born, had to deal with issues of abandonment that no living thing should ever have to take on. How can one - and yes, I know it's an elephant - possibly go through life knowing that the one who gave it to you tried to take it away...especially when you can't process why?

At this stage in my life, I'm closer to my parents than I am with anyone else. I don't know what I would do if either of them ever turned on me. I can't even comprehend it, and my brain stretches further than that of most people. I can't even stand the thought - and they'll tell you how I avoid it at all costs - of them not being here, so the idea of their presence being negative is too far out there.

This poor elephant calf has to deal with that from day one. It has to live a life that I can't fathom...and I feel horrible for him. Thankfully, people who worked at the zoo were able to calm him down. The mother is depressed, and hopefully (I know nothing of animal medicine) she can get better and somehow be a loving, supportive parent to her child.

As an only child whose vital source of love is his parental unit, this one just really got to me. Love is probably the most basic human emotion other than happiness, and of course the primary source of love (certainly in chronological terms) is the parental unit. Living without that just seems impossible, but that's what this elephant calf is forced to do: at least for the present.

I have plenty of experience in feeling abandoned, isolated, alone, and so on. Plenty. Much of it is of my own doing, I'll freely admit that. This situation, though...all I know is that for what I'm sure if the first time, I'm going to pray for an elephant.

This will happen for two reasons. The first is that through my own experiences, I feel this elephant calf's pain. The second is that because of my own experiences, I never could feel this elephant calf's pain.

Some Thoughts on the Cato Study

See, I thought I was going to be able to write about nonsense and filler…then this Cato study came up. I’m just going to go through the entire study* and post some thoughts.

(*Ed. note: after a certain point it became redundant: this is expressed later.)

“Welfare benefits continue to outpace the income that most recipients can expect to earn from an entry-level job”

Counter-Culture: How My Dating History Disproves a Myth

Let women tell it, dating is supposed to go like this:

Boy Meets Girl. Boy talks up Girl. Boy gets Girl's number. Boy takes Girl out on 2-(however many she feels like) dates. Boy pays for all of them. Eventually, Girl decides Boy is worth a relationship. Boy asks Girl to be in a relationship. Girl accepts.

Now, this is supposed to be the ironclad "my way or the highway" guide to relationship-building. Ask most women you know, not only is this 'the' way to get it done: it's the only way to get it done.

How many of my relationships came from such a pattern?

Can't Go Home Again

So, the last three days have been rather eventful. I was a panelist on a radio show (Listen) Monday, I had a job interview Tuesday, and I had to give a presentation at work today. Throughout the week I had one idea when I got past everything, and even before that I had an idea of what I would do the next time a bunch of stuff actually started happening:

Catfish Confessions

This is going to be amusing and slightly difficult to write at the same time.

So, I've been catfished twice - before it became popular. Shoot, way before it became popular. Both times were during the year I lived in Atlanta (2001-02).

Harry Belafonte vs. Jay Z

In no uncertain terms, I am solidly on the side of Harry Belafonte regarding this situation between him and Jay Z (he dropped the hyphen).

The one thing I side with Jigga on is that entertainers shouldn't feel a responsibility to act as though they have a social conscience. No one should have to do anything they don't want to, no matter what position they find themselves in.

"But that's what the whole thing si about, so you really agree with Jay"...no, it's not: and no, I don't.

Compliments...Sigh

You know, we live in a sad world when complimenting is a crazy game. Even the most well-intentioned, least ulterior, and most good-natured comments are often met with incredulity or even scorn. As such, I’ve decided to write a bit about the struggle: mainly, the criteria I base my compliments on.

Some Thoughts on the Verdict

In what should be a surprise to no one, I have a few thoughts/statements to make regarding the verdict. Going to start with something...that I already said.

"B. Brown thinks they should just let Zimmerman walk out now and save Florida the cost and embarrassment bound to result from this 'trial'." - June 20, 2013 (Facebook status)

20Fine: Part VI (5-1)

This is it...

20Fine: Part V (10-6)

Now the real fun begins...

20Fine: Part IV (15-11)

Getting well into it now...

20Fine: Part III (20-16)

Continuing on...

20Fine: Part II (25-21)

Let's get right to business...

20Fine: Part I (Introduction)

After seeing People and Maxim’s terrible attempts at appreciating aesthetic talent, I decided to try a little exercise of my own. Now, there’s going to be a decent amount of introduction before I get to the actual rankings. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. Actually, I’ll go with one-liners (or close).

Popularity, Crabs, and Condescension

Can we talk about something for a minute? Seriously, I need to get this off my chest.

Black people are forever saying that racism is an American institution. “It’s as American as apple pie and ‘red, white, & blue’ and all that”…sure it is. No argument there. However, we have our own problem that is equally damaging.

Thanks for Playing

Next summer Pat Riley faces one of the more difficult decisions of his tenure as team president. It will be almost impossible for him to keep the Big 3. If he wants to keep the Heat winning, he’s got to make an almost-impossible decision.

He’s got to let one of them go…

Being the Good Bad Guy...or Bad Good Guy

Alright, so I’ve got a situation.

I may have shared this, but one of my best friends is engaged. His fiancé has a friend…and by now y’all know where this is going.

Prospective Commencement Speakers

Commencement is on the horizon for many an undergraduate in the coming weeks (Mine was twelve years ago today), and one of the more interesting subjects that comes up around this time is the list of speakers. Some people have had the Obamas. Dick Cheney spoke at FSU once. Bill Clinton and Soledad O’Brien spoke at different FAMU ceremonies the same spring. I heard Dr. Humphries (in his final semester as president) and a state Supreme Court justice at two of my three graduations (didn’t go to the third). I heard Judge Hatchett at my cousin’s graduation…she was really good.

Anyway: if I were graduating in a couple weeks, who would I want to hear? No, I won’t count anyone I’ve heard already.

Rappers For 30

So, tickets for Yo Gotti (if you don’t know who he is, it’s not important – just know he’s a rapper) a few Saturdays ago were $30. Don’t even ask me if I went.

It made me think, though: what rappers (there’s a decent list of other musicians) would I pay $30 to see? Now, when I say “pay $30 to see”; I mean pay $30 without question under solely my own volition. Therefore, going with a group of friends wouldn’t count. I’m pretty sure it’s a small list: if it weren’t, I’d be writing about the living wage and the middle class or about sisters being nerds. Yes, those are coming down the pike.

So, who would get 30 of my hard-earned dollars?

NBA Playoff Predictions

Shoot, why not...