(Once again, the below disclaimer speaks for itself.)
So with all the news stuff - and especially with the links - I've somewhat gotten away from the "just go ahead and write something" style that I originally employed. Getting back to that a little bit, I'll probably have notes like this every now and again. Thing about these is that they're not as time-sensitive as the other notes so I can leave them in the pipeline until they're ready to go. Let's get it started...
1. "Being a sports fan will put me ahead of the curve."
Not anymore - especially if you only watch football and basketball. True, these are the sports that most men follow. However, many other women also follow football and basketball...so knowing who Donovan McNabb and Chris Bosh are will not help you stand out. Now, of course, there is a certain depth to which you can follow said sports (knowing what type of defensive player is responsible for the A gap or being able to describe what happens on a standard pick and roll play) that can help you stand out. If you're black, tennis doesn't count either if one of the Williams sisters is playing.
2. "I only have to look good."
Plain and simple: the more you have to offer, the more we want to offer. If all you offer is physical, that's likely all we're going to want. Besides, good-looking women are everywhere. Lots of them. That's no difference-maker. It helps to be able to carry on a conversation - about something that has nothing to do with you personally - and being good-natured (we can tell) will go a long way. Whoever wrote that book "Why Men Love [Female Dogs]" is a fool. Try that super-aggressive pick-yourself-up-while-putting-everyone-else-down stuff if you want. You and Aaron Space will be having a nice conversation.
3. "The only thing men care about is my body: they don't care about my mind."
This is somewhat the opposite of the last one, and it applies to a mostly different set of women. We focus on everything initially, whether we say it or not. If we're still giving you - or even worse, someone else - the up-down after 20 minutes of conversation, it's not our fault. At the same time, we don't need to be lectured on how you won the school spelling bee at 7 and were a debutante at 14 and graduated summa cum laude with a double major and are the fastest-rising person at your firm. All of that will come up in natural conversation, and we'll appreciate it more when it does. I learn new things about old friends all the time and those things help me appreciate them more. Is there a reason all that has to be disclosed within an hour? I know no one wants to waste time, but if you walk in seeing the exit...what's the point?
4. "Men don't know how to treat a lady nowadays/there are no real men left."
See, this is the type of copout thing that makes absolutely no sense. I don't know anyone - whether I hang out with them or not - that doesn't at least know the basics of being a gentleman. All that "hey [enter skin tone or nationality]" stuff does not go on with anyone I know. The problem is that (in many cases) people get skipped over in favor of the flash - you know, the same thing women accuse men of. How people feel about that depends on the people themselves and their situations. Main thing is, though, that words like "all", "always", "no", "never", and so on are strong words that are easy to negate. If those words actually fit your environment, you may need to consider your circles.
5. "Nothing deserves his attention more than me - and if he pretends otherwise, then he can have whatever it is.
If we want to watch the game, it's not an assessment or indictment of anything. Sometimes we're just doing things that are time-specific...and no, it is not the same watching the replay on TiVo. Generally speaking, we think you look fine and we trust your judgment as far as what you wear or what you think. We just need particular pockets of time for particular tasks. Trust us, we'll make it up to you later if you can be understanding about stuff like that.
(Break)
Now folk say I go out on the women and all, and that's true. I'll say it. Some women aren't worth the time it takes to look at them. Some are alright. Some are good but don't want anyone to know it. Some are good, but think they're better than they are. And then there are some who are better than they've probably ever realized. All that said, it's time to turn this around and talk about some of the stupid things that men say and think.
(Resume)
6. "All women want is a man who has everything - and is willing to give it all to them."
One of the dumbest things a man can say. It's a copout on the level of #4. At least speaking for most of the women I know (all but one, to be perfectly honest), none of them want a sugar daddy or even someone who just goes along with everything they say. It helps a lot if people agree on things, but there's nothing wrong with difference in opinion as long as you handle it well. If you walk in with that ridiculous preconceived notion that all women want is benefactors, you'll be walking out really quickly. Give women a chance to be people. They're not really from Venus (Ed. note: this line was here before the title was decided upon...no relationship between the two references).
7. "If I stay persistent I can wear her down like Steve Urkel."
This one is just too funny. A real "no" never turns into a "yes". If she doesn't feel anything for you, she won't feel anything for you. It's like energy: it can't be created. Unlike energy, though, it can be destroyed. Just don't do anything stupid. If something happens after a long time of so-called waiting, it was meant to happen. Just enjoy it. Don't get too high on yourself: women can tell the difference between confidence and false arrogance. Women like cool. Confidence is cool. Persistence is not: it shows a lack of confidence.
8. "The same game (rap, lines, etc.) will work with every female."
One of...no, the funniest thing about going out is seeing a guy try to talk to or dance with a girl and getting shut down. Combine this with the fact that every so often I hear fools talk about how "this line always works" and I wonder how. Now I have no game whatsoever: I'll be the first and second to say that. At the same time, the [stuff] that I hear these fools out here say is God-awful. Also, there's the obvious that not all women are the same. I imagine that not all of them like to be approached the same way. Of course there are some things that are universal (keeping your back straight, speaking with some kind of confidence, etc) but 'one size fits all'...not a good look. Just saying.
9. "Women listen to their friends too much."
No, they don't. Friends are like amplifiers: all they do is increase things that are already there. Women are not weak-willed souls who go with the wind and are waiting to be told what their opinions should be. There are some females like that, but A) those aren't really the ones men should go for anyway, and B) if they are, then the men should be ready to re-evaluate their own desires. For some strange reason men often think that women are highly impressionable, but that is not the case. Women are free thinkers just like men are, and they deserve that much credit. Another way to work around this issue is to endear oneself to her friends...but the only thing that would help with is one's own insecurities.
10. "There are certain things men should do and certain things women should do."
Feel free to join us in 2010 if you think this. One of the greatest gifts of living alone is that I've learned to take care of any household matter - inside or outside - myself. I'm not Emeril Lagasse, but I somewhat know my way around a kitchen. Won't be a necessity that whoever I end up with cooks and cleans and does all the "inside chores". I've been doing all that for self now, so why would that change? I know that's how it used to be, but some traditions are fit to be changed.
Prologue: I'll just close this out by saying it'd probably help if both sexes treated members of the opposite sex as people (in terms of commonalities) rather than being "on the other side". I also think we make things out to be a lot harder than they really are. Maybe we want to fulfill this idea that it's so impossible. My solution? Chill pills for all!
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