A 2011 Review

 What happened this past year? Let's see...

Music

I’m not even going to lie: music stunk in 2011. Usually I can come up with long lists of songs I’ve liked, but I’m going to struggle to come up with a decently long list of songs that actually came out (or really hit the scene) in 2011. Since I enjoy, challenges, though…

Physics At Work

This is going to be especially funny considering where I’m writing this, but then again I guess it makes all the sense in the world (you should be able to figure out where this is being written).

I’ve always been someone to put so much into my personal life (to no apparent avail) but not really put 100% into my academic/professional life (a statement with which pretty much everyone I’ve worked alongside would likely disagree). I think I’ve written enough about the personal stuff, so this time around I’ll focus on the vocational side of things.

Will I Know How?

(Emptying out the 'dating/relationship' queue...)

As you all may have noticed, I haven’t had the greatest success with dating/relationship (not that anything has even reached said status, but for purposes of nomenclature it makes sense to use the term) in 2011. The other day I started thinking: if by some minor miracle, I meet someone who interests me sufficiently, will I know how to handle it? I’m not sure, and there are a few mistakes I could see myself making.

Texting and Dating

(Ed. Note: this was originally written a month and a half ago. The personal aspect was no longer applicable as of mid-November).

I must be getting old.

I remember a time when the process went like this: guy meets girl and strikes up conversation. Guy asks for Girl’s number, which she gives to him. Guy calls Girl, and after an appropriate (but varying) amount of phone conversations, they go out together. After an appropriate (but varying) amount of dates, they figure out what they want to do - if anything.

Rules of Engagement

I don’t know if I’ve written about this before, but I’m going to assume that I haven’t and talk about something that needs to be talked about: rules.

We all have them. No, I’m not talking about dating preferences. I’m talking about simple rules we have that mainly concern our interaction with others.

I’m famous for some of mine…as a matter of fact, I’ll frame this post off those and then speak generally as I talk about each one.

Something To Hide? Something Is Wrong.

I’ve been slow on the non-football writing (actually, this isn’t true: I lost my thumb drive yet again and it had some complete-but-yet-to-be-published stuff on it) so I figured it was time (once I came up with something). This is totally random, but I think it’ll make sense.

I was thinking about my complication level in comparison to those of most men I know. Now I’ve never thought of myself as complicated, but I’m aware that some women have thought of me as just that. They’re entitled to their prerogatives: I just happen to disagree. I don’t think I’m complicated so much as…layered, multifaceted, eclectic, whatever.

The Difference Between Worth and Value

As those who follow me on Twitter know, I went through a situation (or two) leaving me thinking a lot about these two terms. Looking the two up on The Free Dictionary, I saw that each term has a definition that I would have applied to the other. Value is more internal, while worth is more external (I thought it was the other way around). So when people say “know your worth”, they’re speaking somewhat inaccurately according to the source named above.

I’ve been left to wonder about my worth - please believe value is never in question - thanks to situations like the ones alluded to above and those similar in nature that have preceded it. Just to give an overview of what happened a couple weeks ago: this girl and I were somewhat in the talking phase and Thursday (11/3) she told me she was talking to and starting to fall for another guy. Friday I went out with another girl. Saturday I went out with the other girl again. Sunday I texted the other girl. Have yet to hear back from the other girl. The first girl talked to me (as in ‘initiated conversation’) Monday, and we ended up agreeing to have lunch in Orlando next weekend. Tuesday I thought more about it and decided to not go to lunch (she's still into the other guy). Wednesday she passed it off and basically said "whatever". Anyway, back to this value/worth thing.

See, value is determined by me - and I believe I’m pretty valuable. No, I’m not going to talk about resume-type things. It’s not about that. I just happen to think that the total being of me is valuable. I think I have a lot of good qualities, so on and so forth.

Worth? Now that’s a completely different story. Worth, in this dating/relationship sense, is determined by the women I’ve encountered (for the purposes of this discussion, we’re going to limit the time frame to 2011). Given that framing, let’s look at the evidence. One girl planned a date and never showed (thankfully, I was smart enough not to show either). One girl changed her number and didn’t tell me. One girl said she didn’t have a phone, gave me her e-mail address, and then never responded. You’ve read about the last two above.

Allow me to feel pretty close to worthless…but still with a lot of value.

I think people get the two confused - if not by thinking that each is the other like I did, then by thinking that they’re the same. For instance, if I tell one of my female friends I’m worthless (or something to that extent) I usually have to clarify and say that I’m not talking about my opinion of me. My opinion of me is fine: I just don’t get why it’s so different than everyone else’s.

Had a conversation the other day in which I said that women often/usually pass over the good men (of which I swear there are more of than most women care to admit) for the flashy types. I then cycled through my male friends and realized that nearly all of my more flashy friends are in relationships. The one guy who’s probably less flashy than me? Single as I am. The flashiest of friends have never been without women chasing them, and the only question was whether they allowed themselves to be caught. I’m not sure what that says. Maybe flashing value correlates to - or is - worth.

If so, then I guess I’ll have to remain worthless. As value is defined internally, I’ll say that most - if not all - of my value comes from being me. Whatever I am, being that is essentially my value. No, I’m not Mister Look-At-Me. I’m not going to walk around with a T-shirt that says “You should date me because…” on the front and a list of reasons on the back. Love it or leave it, take it or hate it: doesn’t matter to me. It may make me worthless, but I guarantee I’ll still be valuable.

Occupy The Voting Booth

I’m sure everyone’s heard of ‘Occupy Wall Street’ by now. One year from now, there will be another movement of occupation, and it will take place all over the country. Of course, I’m talking about ‘Occupy the Voting Booth’. The presidential election - along with many others that will have a more direct bearing on Americans’ lives - is exactly one year from today.

Why Men Should Be Minimalists

I’ve seen the general subject of what an effort split in a dating/relationship situation should be discussed before. You can imagine how the discussion usually goes. Women say men should do more, men say it should be more equal. In case anyone’s wondering, I think the man should do slightly more (maybe 60/40).

That said, I think men would be wise to try a different strategy: if not in general, then definitely in certain situations. Women are always taught not to cast their pearls before swine. Well, neither should we. We should be minimalists when it comes to dating (minimalist behavior being defined as “not doing everything we can, but doing everything that is necessary”) for a few reasons. Before the women get all upset, minimalism will help women out too.

Why The Dislike Button Works

 Just got finished…well, not really: I read the article and typed this (two)Thursday morning(s ago)…reading an article about President Obama’s fundraising efforts. He raised $70 million in the third quarter: more than anyone else (obviously), but not on par with previous efforts. At the same time, someone from his camp said that the funding - and the fact that it came from a million donors - is proof that the president’s supporters have his back.

As Lee Corso would say, not so fast.

The Bet

I’m pretty sure I’ve made reference to this in a couple previous posts, but I don’t think I’ve ever written about it on its own. A while back - maybe a couple of years ago - one of my male friends and I made a bet that the other would get into a relationship first. “That’s just awful”…yeah, yeah, whatever. I know I haven’t shied away from women because of the bet and I’d be willing to say that he hasn’t either. The reason I’m writing about it is that the two sides of the bet are rather interesting when contrasted with each other (even though this is from my perspective, so I may not be 100% correct in stating half of this - that said, I’m pretty sure I’ve got it).

Just Because

*This was originally written a while back (about three weeks ago), so the timing will be off as the note reads. However, the theme is large enough that there’s still a lot of applicability here.

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Anyone who’s read my equality pieces knows how this subject burns me. Let’s get to it.

There are fewer social actions that I like less than when black people stick up for black people just because they’re black. This is no better than discriminating against people because they’re black. Anyway, there have been a few recent cases of this that I’d like to vibe on.

The Forrester Files, Part 2

This is the second of two posts that go through posts that Nicole Forrester has written on HuffPost - hence the name. Her original article is in plain text, while my sidebars/comments are underlined.

I’ll let Nicole handle the introduction…

Last week, I began to bridge the barrier between men and women, revealing five things men look for in women. Being a female and unable to understand men's language, I turned to my trusty and reliable Facebook friends who were very forthcoming. This week, as promised, I continue the discussion by sharing hours of "girl-chat" as well as the comments of my Facebook friends (yet, again), to reveal what it is women look for in men.

The Forrester Files, Part 1

This is the first of two posts (the second will be up tomorrow) that go through posts that Nicole Forrester has written on HuffPost - hence the name. Her original article is in plain text, while my sidebars/comments are underlined.

I was perusing through HuffPost - as usual - when this article by Nicole Forrester caught my eye. Interesting subject, nice smile in the picture…figured I could spend a few minutes reading what she had to say (and let’s be honest, we men always have a few minutes for pretty women - unless there’s money involved somehow). Anyway, to the article.

Five Misconceptions About Me

Sorry I couldn't come up with a cool acronym...

...as straightforward as I am, I think I'm funny in that sometimes certain parts of my personality shine at the expense of others. For that reason (and also to buy myself time as I work on another piece and lament the loss of my flash drive, which had a good 3-4 already finished pieces on it), I'll present five common misconceptions about me. I have a strange feeling these may have a common theme - no, I don't know what I'm going to write yet. I never do. It's more fun that way. Matter of fact, let's start with that.

The 'Should Have Been' Dating Order

(This is an exclusive, as it’s more personal than something I would put on Facebook).

Out of the blue, I had this thought one day: what if I dated the same women that I have dated, but in a different order or at a different time? Would things have gone better? Hmm. We’ll let’s see what happens when I “think aloud” about this.

The Silent Truth About Why Men Like Strip Clubs

Let me preface this entire thing by saying that I used to hate strip clubs. The mere idea of them just irritated me. Men paying women to dance for them? That violated so many rules of the game - as I saw them then - that partaking in such activity was an absolute negative to me. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand the seeming contradiction between Poison Clan songs that were for giving women money (Shake Whatcha Momma Gave Ya) and against giving women money (pretty much everything else).

Then I figured it out.

Five Types Of Fine

I thought I was about to run out of things to talk about, but this one could be interesting.

I think everyone knows what ‘fine’ means when talking about the (most often) physical attractiveness of women. What may be less known is that there are different types of fine. This should make sense, given that there are all types of women with wide-ranging physical features covering almost all attributes. As many women as there are in the world, it makes no sense to believe that one four-letter word could accurately describe them all.

Speaking of four-letter words, that’s exactly where we’ll start.

1. “Expletive” Fine

As can hopefully be figured out by the title, this category fits women whose physical attractiveness cannot be verbally captured without the use of colorful language. “[Dang], she’s fine. She’s fine as [heck]. She’s fine(r) than a [whatever]. She ain’t fine? You’re crazier than a [whatever].” All the men know they’ve said this at some point, and all the women whom this applies to should know this has been said about them at one point. Women who have particular parts they’re known for usually fit into this category.

Examples: Rosa Acosta, Layla El, Velvet Sky, Andrea Penoyer, Eden Stiles

2. “Process” Fine

Being  “delayed” fine does not mean that one is any less attractive than any of the other four types. It just means that it takes a few seconds to grasp it all for whatever reason. Really, this should be called…yeah, we’ll change the name to “process” fine. Ladies, here’s how you check for “process” fine - if a man stares at you and he has a studious look on his face, you’re “process” fine. Sometimes it takes a second to gather everything in. That’s not a bad thing at all: we’re just as happy in the end.

Examples: Linzie Janis, Fredricka Whitfield, Kelly Rowland, Alicia Keys, Colleen Dominguez

3. “Under the Radar” Fine

This is a little bit different than the one above. Sometimes we just miss. We’ll see someone and not notice anything at all, but see the same person 15 seconds later and be amazed. Then…”wait, didn’t I just see her”…we start wondering what happened 15 seconds earlier because we loathe the idea of missing the chance of seeing someone fine. Yes, it’s that crucial…and sometimes it takes longer than 15 seconds.

Examples: Scarlett Johannson, Sade (as in now), Hazel Mae, Zahra Burton, Reischea Canidate

4. “Transcendently” Fine

DL Hughley once said in reference to his wife that he didn’t see her with his eyes but saw her with his soul. That’s the ideal (not idea) of this category. As one might imagine, this one is mostly limited to relationships. We have to know enough about you to recognize the non-physical traits that would put you in this category. In kind, we see those things - in addition to, not instead of - physical attributes when we look at you.

Examples: Significant Others

5. “Breath-Altering” Fine

None of these are supposed to be above the others, but if one is a little bit better than the rest, it’s this one. As the title suggests, this category is for women who change your respiratory processes for an undetermined amount of time. I don’t think I really need to say anything else, and I’m only listing names in case anyone is new to the program. The rest of y’all know the list.

Examples: Richelle Carey, Tamron Hall, Sara Walsh, Lisa Salters, Monica Bertran, Maryam Nemazee, Zoe Saldana

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Now of course I’m not saying all women are fine - just that if you are, you fall into one of these five categories. Also, this is a subjective list (should be obvious, but wanted to say it anyway).

To Buy Or Not To Buy

As most who know me know, I’m no fan of President Obama. I think his “reach across the aisle and work toward bipartisanship” approach has been extremely counterproductive and done severe damage to both his reputation and his resume as a leader. Progressives have been increasingly disenchanted with him (see: Uygur, Cenk) and - surprise - conservatives still treat him as badly as they ever have (see: Limbaugh, Rush).

This is not new. I’ve never been a fan of the idea - nor the reality - of President Obama. He was fourth on ‘list’ of presidential candidates behind John Edwards, Hillary Clinton, and Dennis Kucinich (who I honestly felt had the best ideas, but knew had little shot of getting the nomination). I went through countless arguments in 2008 with almost everyone I knew because, to be frank, I saw this coming. Nothing I said back then has failed to come to pass, especially not my main two concerns with him. He’s shown his inexperience and he’s tried too hard to compromise.

He’s great at getting elected - or at least he was: we’ll see how things turn out next fall - but he leaves much to be desired as a governing official. Said it before he got elected…future tense then, of course…and it’s held up. He’s somehow allowed positives (stimulus, health care) to be turned into negatives and the negatives (most recently the debt deal) speak for themselves. His best hope for re-election sits with one group of people. I’ll get to them now.

As everyone who knows me knows, I am even less a fan of the GOP. Shoot, demographics could have easily told people that. I’m a black American from an urban environment who has a master’s degree in social work. The only GOP characteristic I fit is ‘male’. My lack of love for the GOP, as is the case for most black people, has both contemporary and historical rationale. I think everyone knows enough about the GOP to understand this, so I’ll skip straight to the dilemma.

I can’t decide whether to get a 2O12 shirt. I don’t want to vote for the president, but any other electoral activity helps the GOP. Plain and simple, I want the GOP to lose a lot more - and I mean a whole lot more - than I want President Obama to win. This is mainly true because they’re a collection of orifices. It’s also true because even if I wanted them to win and ruin the country so people would wake up, I have insufficient confidence in Americans to believe they would realize this (and given the upward trend in Rick Scott’s approval ratings, the state of Florida has given me further reason to believe this). Is that enough reason to spend $30 minimum on a 2O12 shirt?

Maybe I should divvy up the cost mentally. Say, pretend that I’m donating $10 to help him win but $20 to help the GOP lose. With thirty dollars, there are enough to go around. Actually, it may be at least 60. My cousin’s dad, who’s equally disappointed in the president, said he’d most likely give if I gave. This isn’t that much of an added burden - especially since he makes a lot more than I do - but it’s a small consideration. Hate to lead someone else down the wrong path.

You know what? After seeing my supervisor (who I like as a person, despite his political leanings) run a Google search for “Obama impressionist”…the check’s in the mail.

(Ed. note: I bought the shirt last Sunday and it came in the mail yesterday).

How Flaw Dudes Wreck The Game

(Ed. note: "flaw", as used in the title, is/was a South Florida thing.)

Much like the Poison Clan said in 1993, sometimes men do some idiotic things to (as they said it) wreck the game. Simps and suckers looking for shortcuts change everything and make things hard for all - and I do mean all - of the rest of us. How? Glad you asked.

1. They put women on pedestals.

“Baby, I would do anything in the world for you: I’d clip your toenails while you walk with sandals on just so they stay the perfect length at all times”…this kind of silliness should not be tolerated a tall (no, that’s not a typo). These guys out here breaking their necks don’t understand two very basic things: 1) they’re ruining it for everyone else, and 2) they’re only helping their own cause minimally, if at all.

2. They lie.

What for? If the truth is so bad, they need to change their ways so they can tell truths that are acceptable. Now, I don’t know what lies men tell for obvious reasons; but I imagine one is their relationship status. Actually, I know of people who’ve run with this one…allegedly (Jim Rome voice). A lot of women out there don’t care. They may even be in relationships too: they might just…how do I put this…lie about it.

3. They try to live beyond their means.

If their average hourly salary is in the single digits, they don’t need to try to go to Ruth’s Chris or Morton’s. Half a day’s check should probably be a limit as to how much one spends on a date. All that trying to ball and floss can leave someone broke and sad with the quickness.

4. They tell women what they want to hear.

Whereas #1 is about actions and #2 is about dishonesty, this one is more about truthful things that are just badly timed or things that are slightly exaggerated. “I could see us being together forever”…how about finding out what her middle name is first (and then running if it’s more than four syllables)? “You look like Halle Berry’s younger sister”…she may be pretty, but stop.

5. They overcompensate for their shortcomings.

If they’re 5’5”, they’ll try to wear boots or hi-tops everywhere. If they’re skinny, they’ll try to wear 3-4 sets of clothes (no more than two unless it’s cold and you’re layering). If they have a head like Cassidy or Ne-Yo, they’ll wear hats all the time…like Cassidy and Ne-Yo. They need to be comfortable in their own skin.

6. They try to degrade women who reject their advances.

See, flaw isn’t all about dumb things women like. It’s about doing dumb things women hate too. So what if she doesn’t like a man that steps to her? He needs to keep it moving. She’s no less of a woman after the rejection than she was before (unless she lies about it: then points can be deducted as necessary).

7. They sell out the crew.

Once a friend of mine sold me out to go on a date with this girl. Me being me, I hit him with the “what the” question. He explained it and I told him he was selling out. We went back and forth until I asked him to name a time in which I sold out. He couldn’t.

8. They try to ‘make’ women like them.

I’ll go out on a limb and say this has never worked. Even the proximity plan has worked, although that certainly isn’t advised. That old Merlin the Magician/David Blaine/Criss Angel hypnosis Jedi mind trick type stuff? No. Just no. “If I cook for her one more time”…she’ll be eating off you one more time and you’ll be lucky to be eating anything. Women know your potential with them within the first 15 minutes of meeting you - and that doesn’t increase.

9. They enable.

If you saw the end of the last note, then you knew this was coming. These guys are so starved they let women say and do whatever they please without showing even a modicum of respect for themselves. Once a girl I dated tried me by asking (seriously) if she could drive my car to meet her “little sister” - she was in the program - because it wasn’t as nice as hers and she didn’t want her little sister(‘s family) to look at her like she had all this money. I can’t remember what I said besides no, but I surely said no. I should have said “just tell them your mom’s making the payments (which was true) and that should settle all that”.

10. They never take time to learn the game.

That sounds worse than it is. I called it ‘the game’ for purposes of brevity, but the #1 characteristic of flaw is treating the whole dating/relationship thing like a get-rich-quick scheme. I find this especially funny because you can end up quite a bit poorer with this approach. Don’t believe me? Ask the guest list on Maury. These dudes think of women as objects, not as people. They don’t give women the respect that women deserve. They put their own wishes above all else with no regard for anyone else: not women, and certainly not the men who have to clean up the messes they make. They never learn the game, act like they’re the only ones playing, and then we all lose.