I’ll let Nicole handle the introduction…
Last week, I began to bridge the barrier between men and women, revealing five things men look for in women. Being a female and unable to understand men's language, I turned to my trusty and reliable Facebook friends who were very forthcoming. This week, as promised, I continue the discussion by sharing hours of "girl-chat" as well as the comments of my Facebook friends (yet, again), to reveal what it is women look for in men.
1. Chivalry. Chivalry is not dead! A woman notices whether a man opens the door for her, walks closer to the traffic or pulls out a chair for her when she sits. This is something that separates any man from the pack.
False, and I’m going to tell you why: women see chivalrous gestures as a supposedly-slick tool that men use to get themselves closer…and I don’t mean closer to a relationship. I’ve cut my chivalrous gestures drastically due to the possibility of getting snapped on for no reason (this is a reason why I generally don’t interact with women I don’t know). If chivalry could be practiced and accepted on its own merit without any thought of ulterior motive, I’d do it a lot more and agree with this point.
As is, I’ll respectfully disagree…unless the parties involved are in a relationship. In that case, the man had better be doing all those things. I cringe as a man when I see women open doors for themselves or walk on the outside. If the woman is sufficiently attractive, I sometimes even want to tell her “he’s not doing X, probably not Y and Z either”…and let it go from there. Either he steps his game up or loses his girl. Win for all, if you ask me.
2. Emotionally Available. A quick web search on relationship woes will reveal that being emotionally unavailable is a disease claiming the lives of many men. If you are a man who is afflicted by this disease, you would do well to seek help immediately! Being a man means being able to share how you feel and not worry about how you'll be seen.
I agree, but will also say that no woman wants a man they feel is too far on the other side either. That, however, is another subject for another time. That last sentence she wrote is plain gospel - and applicable in far more situations than just the one she placed it in.
3. Attention To Detail. Women enjoy a man who pays attention to the small details and can recall them at a much later time. This will win any man huge points! For example, let's say your woman of interest tells an inconsequential story about lunch with a friend and in passing she mentions the name of the restaurant. Two weeks later you ask her, "How was the restaurant XYZ you went with your friend the other day? I was thinking we should go out for dinner tonight." A man will be instantly elevated to a level of superhero status, if at a later time, he can remember the small details and demonstrate he was really listening.
Every man reading this should write this part down right now - seriously, get your pencils - and not only remember it themselves, but share it with a friend. That’s all I’m saying about this one.
4. Compliment Genuinely and Compliment Unexpectedly. Yes, she may look great when she is dressed up and you should definitely let her know. But, it is also important to let a woman know just how special she is to you in her day-to-day life. See her laugh, smile or dimple in her cheek and compliment her on it.
Now, there are a few women who will tell you that I compliment generously enough that one from me could never be unexpected. That I’ll grant. At the same time, I never have given and never will give a woman a compliment that’s not genuine. Ever. Speaking more generally, Nicole is right - it’s extremely important to let women know how much we appreciate them being part of our lives - especially if that part is a romantic one.
5. Honesty. For any relationship to be successful there must be a sense of trust. Honesty is the glue that holds a relationship together and also an attractive feature. Even when it might not be the most pleasant news to tell a woman, it is better for a man to be open and honest than to tell a lie.
The only thing I disagree with is the ‘sense of’ part. Without pretty much full trust, you have nothing. Everything else gets complete co-signage. It amazes me how many men don’t get this. I have told women some of the most awful truths in life (not that I’ve done anything egregious - they all involved sentiment and opinion…like the time I told my one woman I wasn’t sure about a future with her because I had reservations regarding her ability to be a good mother). Lying to me is plain cowardly.
6. Confidence. Confidence is the key to being attractive. It will grab any woman's attention. And confidence should not be confused with arrogance, which involves a false sense of self. But, rather being confident involves taking stock in who you are (not what you do).
I will grant the first sentence. The second, not so much: being Dr. Idris Boris will grab any woman’s attention. I think the funny thing is that confidence can be displayed in two ways: one that women like and one that women don’t much care for…and neither involves arrogance. The first is the “I’m a good enough man for you” type that is directed toward particular women that a man approaches. The second is the “I’m good enough that I can get along just fine without you” type that makes women feel less needed than they might like.
Anyone want to take a guess at which one I think I have?
Women and men may have different languages, each one struggling to understand the other. But, perhaps if we each take time to think about what we want from that special someone, we'll probably find they would like the same thing in return.
Your non-relationship expert,
Nicole
Beautifully written.
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