The Forrester Files, Part 1

This is the first of two posts (the second will be up tomorrow) that go through posts that Nicole Forrester has written on HuffPost - hence the name. Her original article is in plain text, while my sidebars/comments are underlined.

I was perusing through HuffPost - as usual - when this article by Nicole Forrester caught my eye. Interesting subject, nice smile in the picture…figured I could spend a few minutes reading what she had to say (and let’s be honest, we men always have a few minutes for pretty women - unless there’s money involved somehow). Anyway, to the article.





When it comes to matters of the heart, it seems that all everyone wants is to love and to be loved in return. Yet, as simple as this shared mutual goal may seem, men and women seem to be speaking different languages. They fail to understand the other's desires, which results in amassed dating "games" and confusion. This week I thought I would take a look at what it is men really want from women. Surveying my 2,500 Facebook friends (a very reliable source) I think I might have begun to crack this code.

Es verdad, mon frere? Let’s see…and yes, that was one phrase with three different languages. 


1. Attraction. There must be some level of attraction, which peaks a man's interest. This doesn't necessarily mean a woman needs to look like a Barbie doll or an air-brushed model. Often attraction comes down to how a woman carries herself. A woman walking with confidence, while appearing approachable, can stop traffic and make the most unlikely guy a believer.

Louder. Please. Louder. It amazes me how many women don’t get this. A woman doesn’t have to look like Halle in order to get our attention. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t help, but 3 looks can be made up for with a 4-5 personality. Some women just have that aura that makes them attractive in that you just want to be around them.


2. Independence. We have certainly entered a new era where independence is highly lauded. Men now enjoy women who have their own life going for them. Their life is so exciting and amazing, that they want to be a part of it. Gone are the days that a man wants a woman who will drop all that she's doing for him.


This is true to a certain extent. There are quite a few women who will put their own lives clearly ahead of their relationships instead of intertwining the two. That’s just as problematic as the opposite. I think what we seek more than independence is balance.

3. Fun. Men enjoy women who can make them smile and the time with them appear to fly by. Being fun may include being spontaneous, humorous or willing to try new things. Often the secret ingredient to being fun is to just be yourself. When you are authentic you are likely to remove any barriers or inhibition you may have, and be less concerned about how you are being perceived.

Get this woman a megaphone. Now. Gold plated? Shoot, why not. We like having fun. If women don’t bring fun to the table somehow, they’ve pretty much already lost. If you can’t dance in a car to 80s pop, watch Tom & Jerry, or just sit and talk about people; we don’t need to be together. I’m not saying a woman has to make me laugh, but I have to be able to laugh around her.

4. Sanity. Sorry ladies, apparently attributing your mood to hormones is not acceptable. Surprisingly, men do not enjoy women who may, from time to time, appear like Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest. Men enjoy women who come with minimal drama, do not overreact and have a mood which doesn't change as often as the current weather. This can be a fine line, as some men do enjoy a strong and assertive woman. But, just like Mary J. Blige's song, they want "No More Drama."

This gets to the #1 thing that men appreciate from women: consistency. There’s a reason that saying “women date men hoping they’ll change: men date women hoping that they won’t” is true. All the constant changes are not cool. But back to the actual point…crazy is not the business. We can be understanding to a point, but we need women to learn to control their own situations.


5. Support. This was overwhelmingly mentioned by the "expert" Facebook men I surveyed. It reminds me of a Maya Angelou quote, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." When it comes to relationships, how you make someone feel provides the sustenance power, which can allow a relationship to survive World War III. It is internal, trusting, lasting and provides that "Je ne sais quoi" characteristics. Never underestimate the power of providing a genuine ear to your special someone when they are having a bad day, or believing in them when their dreams may seem impossible. You, my dear, are being supportive and valued for this rare quality.

One of the worst things one can ever go through is being in a relationship by themselves. It’s worse than being single because if you’re single you don’t have the hope or expectation that someone else will be there for you. I think a lot of women really don’t realize how important simply being there is. We won’t ask much, which makes it that much more important.

Hopefully, I've cracked the Martian language of men and have given women an inside look at what it is men want. Next week, I'll reveal what it is women want in a man, and hopefully bridge the language barrier between men and women when it comes to dating.

Your Non-Relationship Expert,

Nicole

Nicole may not be an expert, but she’s certainly on point with what she’s saying. There are two underrated facts that come with the ‘expert’ idea. The first is that you really only have to be an expert in your relationship. They’re all different, as people are different. As long as you know what to do in your situation, you’ll be fine. The other is that a little listening goes a long way toward becoming an expert.