Standards and Preferences

Ed. note: As you all may have noticed, I've been away for quite a while. Almost three months since I've put an entry out. Lot's happened since then. Stuff is still happening. I didn't stop writing, though. Built up a nice little queue. It'll take a couple weeks to release everything. Here's the first of those 'reserve' entries.

I think I talked about this before, but it seems to bear repeating: there is a difference between standards and preferences. This is especially true when looking for “someone”.

People seem to get these things confused for some reason. Some want to call preferences ‘standards’ when they clearly are not. Can they be called ‘personal standards’? Perhaps. Before we definitively answer that question, let’s create a base.

According to Dictionary.com a standard is “a moral, ethic, or habit established by authority, custom, or an individual as acceptable”. Okay. A preference is “that which is preferred, choice”. Alright. Let’s go from here.

‘Acceptable’ and ‘choice’ are the operative words here. I would also say that the custom and authority concepts help define something as a standard when present. I’m even going to go so far as to say that standards coincide with things people can control whereas preferences coincide with things they cannot.

For instance, the condition that a prospective SO does not cheat is a standard. The condition that they must be a certain height is a preference. Integrity? Standard. Hair style? Preference. See how this goes? Good.

Bunch of women yap and yammer all the time about being hammered over what they call standards but really are preferences. “I’m tired of people saying my standards are too high/I’m tired of people saying I need to lower my standards”…I promise you 2/3 of those so-called standards are actually preferences.

“My standards aren’t that out there: I just want XYZ”…you know how many men are out there that fit XYZ? Very many: probably the majority of men…but then there’s something wrong with this one and that one and the other one and the guy after that until there’s no one left. XYZ is fine: it’s the 123 after that which creates issues. Some need to get this right with themselves - and the men they come across.

I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having preferences. I have quite a lot, the combination of which will render me single forever. However, I don’t try to pretend that my preferences are meant to be canonized and accepted as words to live by. They work for me, but would not work for…basically, anyone else.

I’ve accepted the first half of that last paragraph as truth (well, all of it really), but a lot of people out there haven’t. I’m not letting my preferences go because I’m sufficiently happy where I am. If someone isn’t, though? Well, they need to think about what they want in life.

Every preference we have makes the pool that much smaller - or, to put it another way, creates a smaller space for the right person to fit. One can’t create a such a small space and then be mad when no one can either 1) find it, 2) recognize it, 3) decide they want to try to it and/or 4) actually fit after completion of the first three. If one wants another to fill the space, they’ll want them to fill the space. Until/unless they create the possibility, they may want to keep the space between their lips equally closed.