T.I.M.E.

*This ended up being more of a ‘primer’ than a ‘definitive piece’, but that’s alright. I think it still has some merit, and still believe it was worth writing and/or reading.

Time is mutually exclusive.

I don’t know if people get how important this concept is. I don’t know how well I’ll do explaining it. I do know there’s only one way to find out.

First, a quick definition of “mutually exclusive”…and I’m not doing this because I think anyone’s dumb, I’m doing it because I hadn’t heard of the term until I started a doctoral program: basically, it means that you can’t do two things at the same time. Yes, you can walk and chew gum…but I think people who’ve read me know that I’m not going to talk about walking and chewing gum.

Now to the thought that started me on this topic: you can’t worry about the past and prepare for the future at the same time - at least not to the point that you should expect to do either well (needless to say, there’s only one you should be doing anyway). When you waste time on things that already happened, you’re giving yourself less time - and “effort” can replace “time” - to make new things happen. Sometimes people are doomed to repeat history in the sense that they just don’t make it history.

This is why I personally hate being asked to do something while I’m doing something else. I hate losing and/or switching focus involuntarily…and I’m definitely the one to mention that I’m doing something at the time and request some type of temporal accommodation. Don’t like it? Don’t interrupt me. Done and done.

Anyway, people always spend time doing useless things when they could be doing useful things. “Man, I need to figure out something to do”…how about you just get your behind up and do something? If you’re at home, wash the dishes. Wash your car. Vacuum your living room. Iron your clothes. You may wish you had those five minutes in the near future. At work? Straighten out your desk. Take a walk around the office (if you work in my building, the third floor has quite the tourist attraction). I’m not saying you have to do something all the time, but if you’re doing nothing and complaining about it, there’s something wrong.

And then there’s the greatest thing you can do if you’re home, especially if time and opportunity permit.

*I’m going to warn everyone that this is where it could get personal. It will for me.

Probably the greatest regret - and those who know me know I don’t regret much - I have in life is that I didn’t spend enough time with my paternal grandmother, especially after I got into high school. Every so often when I would want to go to my cousins’ house, one of my parents would suggest that I go visit her. Sometimes I did, far too often I didn’t.

That, and the majority of the few regrets I do have, involve time - particularly time not spent with family. I think most people who’ve moved away from home can relate to this. I think about the (third) cousins I don’t really know because I left Broward County before they were born. Shoot, I think about the second cousins who were right here in Tallahassee who I never visited. Family I have in Albany that I didn’t see in almost 25 years…and it took my uncle’s passing to end that drought.

Related note: droughts like that ending at funerals…scene that happens far too often.

To be perfectly honest, if someone offered me a decent-paying job in South Florida I’d return tomorrow and never look back. Now I realize how important it is to spend time with my parents (who will be featured prominently next time around).

Anyway, missed opportunity is something that’s hard to get over. I’m sure we can all think of at least one opportunity that we passed on in favor of something that wasn’t as (potentially, or even ultimately) rewarding. I know this sounds closer to decision-making than mutual exclusivity, but realization of mutual exclusivity can lead to improved decision-making.

You can’t pine over someone old and prepare for someone new. You can’t talk about inaction and engage in action. You can’t move in multiple directions simultaneously. Left or right. Red or blue. Stop or go. You can only choose one.