Catfish Confessions

This is going to be amusing and slightly difficult to write at the same time.

So, I've been catfished twice - before it became popular. Shoot, way before it became popular. Both times were during the year I lived in Atlanta (2001-02).



Let me get a couple things out of the way: both of the catfishes were female, and there was no embarrassment or real damage done. I'm thankful for those things, and I can talk freely about being so dumb since these situations happened so long ago.

To start situation #1, I have to go back to when I just got out of undergrad. I met this girl (not the catfish) and we were getting along really well. I'd planned on moving to the A, though; so I didn't see where she fit in since I didn't want to do the long-distance thing. Before y'all go there, I told her that. She wasn't happy, but she understood. I met the catfish in an AOL chat room around that same time. We hit it off instantly, traded pictures, and so on.

I moved up there and we continued talking. Things were going great, but she hesitated when it came to meeting. I'm not the type to be strung along, and I think I'm smart enough to figure things out. That said, I put the information I had together and figured I could find her by a simple process of elimination (she lived in Covington, so the phone book search was pretty easy). Had three addresses, so I drove the 50 miles - although I sandwiched the trip around a visit to some relatives in Decatur - to get to a resolution. Did it one day after work.

So I drove to Covington and went to the three places. First one, this woman came to the door. I asked if the girl lived there and she said no. Asked if she knew the girl, and she also said no. I thanked her for her time and went to the other two places. After figuring out that she couldn't have lived at either of the other two places, my mind went back to the woman at the first place while the rest of me went back home.

I talked to her online the next day as if I never drove out there, but then I finally decided to bring up that I did. She then admitted that she was the woman who I met at the first place (which I pretty much knew). Mystery being solved, I let it stay right there and left the whole thing alone. It's highly improbable that we would have gone anywhere had I known what she really looked like, but there was a better chance of us being a couple had she told me the truth at any point - even when she was standing in front of my face - than there was with her keeping up the charade. It's not even like the girl in the picture was some model-looking Jeszica type: she was really pretty, but not in that way.

And now, on to the next one...

...but first, the girl I left here when I moved? Still calls. Haven't touched her in 12 years. Still calls. Moving on.

My penchant for seeing the signs wasn't as sharp yet as it is now (not to mention I'd had a fair amount of success with the online thing in the interim), so the second catfish came along. Interesting girl, pretty picture, said she was in a sorority at a school out of town but was from there. As such, we played it cool and all until May: at which time I figured she was back in the area, which she was. Same situation as the first: I wanted to meet, but she kept giving the runaround. She and I talked on the phone, though; so it was slightly different than the first situation.

Did the same address/phone book thing that I did with the first girl and drove by the house. I never stopped the car to park or anything, but I called from directly across the street. She said she wasn't home and so on...but I mentioned that I was close and someone looked out the window. I'd moved from being directly across the street to where she couldn't directly see me, but I could tell if someone looked out the window or opened the door. I went back home and tried to make sense of things.

I told her the next day I drove by her house, and asked her if I was at the right place. She said I was (this was before 'stalking' became all the rage, so I wasn't concerned about such a label). She said she didn't come outside because her father was there and it would have looked strange for her to walk outside like that late at night. I accepted that outwardly, but kept my doubts in the back of my mind.

It all came to a head one Sunday afternoon. She told me where she worked and what kind of car she drove. Whoops. I drove to the place, found her car, and parked at the end of the row. I saw a woman walk toward 'her' car. I got out and walked casually in her direction, but not toward her. I figured, as I did with the first catfish, that if she wanted herself to be known at that point she'd make herself known (since she already knew what I looked like). She didn't.

I called her later that night, at which point she admitted that she saw me. She asked how I figured everything out and I told her that she gave me enough clues. She wasn't all that happy, but we kept conversing (although I'd checked out by then). She actually had the nerve to say - on my birthday - that she was breaking things off...which would've been sad if I didn't have an outing planned with someone else an hour and a half later.

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Let me explain something: I've learned since then that no situation is worth that kind of effort and I haven't done anything close to that since. Had plenty of opportunities, haven't even thought about it. It's not worth it: people who'll put you through all that aren't really out for your best interests anyway. By the time I had to pull the Nev and Max, it was more about solving the case than completing a love story. Stated another way: by the time I became Nev and Max, I was Nev and Max. There was no romance about it: it was just intellect and business. Really, it was almost like a game.

That said, I have enough wins under my belt that I don't need to prove anything. Besides, I have connections with people who can do that kind of thing for me if it ever came to that...which it won't, because as I mentioned above: putting that much effort in that early will get you burned.

I'm also much better at reading signs, and I'm much less patient/tolerant than I was back then. I'm not the fresh-faced rookie, I'm the grizzled veteran. Soon as something seems patently wrong, I'm out. That's what I wish the Catfish 'victims' realized: if people want you, they'll want you. They won't make an excuse, they'll make a way. Even after 12 years, they'll still provide an opportunity.

Doesn't mean you have to take it, though.