Alright, so I’ve got a situation.
I may have shared this, but one of my best friends is
engaged. His fiancé has a friend…and by now y’all know where this is going.
She’s cool, she’s smart, she’s somewhat funny…but I don’t
see her the way she sees me. We originally met last summer due to a strange set
of circumstances that everyone from my friend’s fiancé to my cousin’s
ex-husband had a role in. Went out a couple times, but I grew increasingly
uncomfortable and for the one and only time in my life I took the coward’s way
out and just stopped calling her (and ignored her calls). I felt bad, but not
that bad…which made me feel bad, but not that bad.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. After several times going
out and hoping I wouldn’t run into her (I’d probably rather run into…no, I’m
not jinxing that into happening), it finally happened. My friend was there, his
fiancé was there, his sister was there, and so was…she. I have to admit, she
looked better – and she’s not an ugly girl – but I still wasn’t into her. We
talked and exchanged numbers again and have been conversing somewhat lately. Of
course, she wants me to ‘make it up to her’ and all for my disappearing act
last summer…but I’m not inclined to do anything of the sort because I still
don’t like her.
How she still likes me after that is beyond me. I get long
text messages, smiley faces, the whole nine. I’m not even the type to try to
“take advantage” of such a situation: one, I’m just not made that way; and two,
I’ve been on the other side of that. Now, there are three ways out of this:
Stop everything in its
tracks and dash her dreams: obviously, this is the most effective. It’s
also the most hurtful, and could have the most damaging repercussions. I don’t
want my friend’s fiancé hating me because I’m not in love with her friend, and
I’ve already seen signs that this would be the case. I’m not even thinking
about her turning my friend against me, in case anyone is wondering. Then
again, I’m the guy who told a girlfriend he was wary of having children with
her because he didn’t think she’d be a good mother and the guy who told another
girlfriend exactly how much she was not worth. Just for amusement, let’s go
through the other two options.
Let it run its course:
this actually isn’t as bad as it sounds. She travels a lot, and I will be
traveling more than normal this summer. As working people, the weekends are
obviously the best times to go out. If one of us is always out of town, then
the chances of us seeing each other are obviously reduced. Sooner or later the
schedules do us in, and I can walk away without facing the scorn of my friend’s
fiancé. And then there’s the last option, which is full of comedy.
Get someone else: if
you know me or have read a decent amount of these, you can see the humor. That
said, it’d be really funny if I even started talking to someone and just
happened to mention it to her: “hey, I met this great girl the other day”…”oh”.
Yes, I know I said above that she likes me and that it’s obvious. However,
obvious and clear are not the same thing. Now before y’all go with the “don’t
play dumb” stuff, it’s not that. I am straight out with mine. If I like
someone, I tell them. I left things up to chance once and got passed by the
next man. Decided to not make that mistake again. If someone makes it with me,
that’s on them. We’re all adults. Say what’s on your mind.
---
I feel a whole lot better after writing that out.
C'mon dude, man up. Just tell her you're not into her. What's the shame in that?!?
ReplyDeleteWhat he said. (And, how dull is her blade if she isn't getting the obvious "I'm just not that into you vibe"?)
ReplyDeleteY'all are both right. If my friend's fiance gets mad at me (and leaves me out of his birthday celebration in favor of her, like she did earlier that day) so be it.
DeleteI especially agree with Nina's last point. If I treated her badly and she accepted it, she's not the one. I'd tell her now, but placing a priority on it by doing so would contradict the very fact that she isn't a priority.
"But you're replying to the comments now"...exactly.