So, there’s this thing called the “friend zone”. I’ll assume
that y’all know what it is. If you don’t, I’ll assume you can figure it out
from the context. I have figured out within the past year or so that (with one
possible exception) I will never be in the friend zone…or have one myself. I
don’t want to make this too long (quiet, regular readers), but we shall see.
Reasons I’ll Never Be In A Friend Zone
1. I’m not that patient.
Being in the friend zone requires patience. You have to wait
out someone’s relationship and/or their feelings in order to get out of the
friend zone. I simply do not have the time.
2. I’m not that friendly.
Once I know someone doesn’t have interest in me, my interest
level declines very quickly. It just seems pointless, and anyone who knows me
knows I believe in efficiency in almost every regard.
3. I will not be a simp.
No way, no how, not then, not now (points if you know what
song that’s from)…what do I look like spending time – and let’s keep it real,
money – on someone who isn’t interested? I couldn’t look myself in the mirror.
Yes, that’s the main reason I haven’t talked to the inspiration behind the “Tis
Better To Have Loved And Lost” entry.
4. I have enough female friends.
In the first few months of time after my last relationship
ended, I found myself talking to a lot of women on the phone and/or on FB.
There was no interest on either side in any situation, but I noticed that I
became the shoulder to cry on a whole lot. I just started cutting that short,
person by person. I now have one female friend I talk to on any kind of regular
basis (and even she and I don’t talk as often as we used to), and life is
grand.
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And now, the other side…
Reasons I’ll Never Have A Friend Zone
1. I’m a real jerk to women who are attracted to me if I don’t
feel the same way.
I didn’t realize this until fairly recently, although I
think the person who helped me realize this exacerbated the situation. I’d
already figured out that I wasn’t into her, but already had committed to seeing
her (and I don’t break commitments). Problem was that I’d failed to realize I’d
also signed on for something after that due to the nature of said commitment.
Long story short, I was miserable by the time the second outing was over…and
she wasn’t, which made it even worse. I ended up not calling her for a couple
weeks. I eventually did the right thing and apologized, but I haven’t called
her again.
2. I’m just not “that guy”.
Let’s face it: for quite a few reasons – some of which were
mentioned above – I’m just not going to be the one with the opportunity to put
binders full of women in the friend zone. I don’t attract (m)any women. Don’t
cry for me: it is what it is. I’ve accepted it.
3. I can’t do that to anyone.
Anyone who knows me knows I’m strongly guided by my
principles and morals. There are certain things that I can’t allow myself to do:
one of which is string women along. It’s not necessarily because I’ve been
strung along (although I have), but just because I don’t think it’s right.
4. I’m too old for that nonsense.
If I don’t know you already (and my definition of “know”
here is really loose), then there’s no point of me saying “hey, let me form a
platonic friendship with this woman”. There just isn’t: between the women I
already know, those I encounter, and those I see on the social networks;
there’s no need for me to “add” anyone else. I’m cool: and as I mentioned
previously, I seem to come across folks who want to put me in their drama – or
put their drama on me. No thanks.
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So, yeah…friend zone and me? No haps. Oddly perfect that I
end this with a Poison Clan reference.
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