A Great Dating Article (And My Silly Comments)

Mandy Stadtmiller is a really great writer. She’s also not a bad-looking woman. Anyway, I found out who she was through the wonderful world of Twitter maybe a year ago; and recently saw that the article I’m about to comment on getting retweeted quite a lot. If you’re a woman, you could do a lot worse things than put her in your reading rotation. I only directed that toward the ladies because she mostly writes for the ladies. This one here was an exception.

By the way, please read her whole piece here. It is far more entertaining than this will be (the link at the end of her commentary on #3 alone is worth it). I’m just listing the points (unless it’s necessary to include more, like with #2) and then saying what I think in italics.


1. If you are not in college anymore, then fucking actually ask a woman out.

I agree with this one, although many women I know seem to like the slow chase. I’d rather just get straight to the point.

2. Here's the magic formula to ask a woman out.

Do a firm, decisive ask.

Yes...

I also get turned off by the request for just drinks. Like, dude. Invest $100. 

No!!!

If you actually like her, fucking do it. So here's how:

"Hey [Woman], I'd love to take you to dinner on [Specific Date and Time Next Week] at [Specific Nice Restaurant Where You Will Then Make a Reservation]. Does that work for you?" Specific.

I don’t care how cheap I sound, I’m going to say it: there is no chance I’m spending $100 on a first date. Matter of fact, I’ve only spent $100 on a date once – and that wasn’t really a date, it was an anniversary dinner with a then-girlfriend. I’ve never been called cheap on a date a day in my life. Then again, I live in Tallahassee. She lives in New York.

3. If you really want to impress her, then do something small and thoughtful -- and it doesn't have to cost a thing.

Know your target audience first. How do you do that? Simple: read the next one.

4. Ask about her.

Ask her what she's thinking. Don't be a faker. Really be interested.

If you don’t do this, you shouldn’t be wasting her time – or your own – anyway.

5. If you get to the point of physical contact where that is appropriate, the most erotic things of all are often hardly even sexual at all.

See #3. 

6. One of my favorite moves?

A man interlocking his arm in mine and walking down the street that way. All gallant and chivalrous-like.

See #5…and if it’s a go, look at her occasionally. Make sure she notices. And for heaven’s sake, walk on the outside.

7. Just ask, if you need to.

Just say it. Nothing is that scary. Just say, "Can I kiss you?" Then when you go in for the kiss, be slow and teasing. Not like a darting gnarly tongue monster. Confident. Teasing.

Sorry, but I’m not asking. That just sounds cheesy. Okay, maybe I will in the right situation…but most of the time I’m just going for it – slowly. Enough so that I can retreat if I see it’s not there yet.

8. Teasing.

If I tease a woman, we’ve got a problem. Acceleration can be negative. Velocity cannot.

9. Kiss the neck.

The hook for this song applies here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw1wMVDhz4g

10. Women love to feel desired.

Wanted, not needed. Needed will come later…after a point where it seems as though she needs you too.


11. As my friend Sam Lansky says, "The best relationships are when you both think you're dating up."

This is about the best one here.

12. If there is the possibility of love, oh my God that is crack.

Yes. Without saying too much…I agree.

13. If she says she likes things, do them.

So many men would be well-served to learn this.

14. I'm also a total cliche of a daddy-issues girl, so I like saying, "I'm a good girl," and, "I'll do a good job for you," and all that stupid bullshit.

Unless it totally skeeves you out, then engage in whatever her perversion is with her. Be a fucking champ. Be a sport. Have fun. It's sex. Yay.

Do I need to say anything?

15. I'm also a huge fan of romantic sex.

Doesn't have to be dirty and kinky and perverse and role-play-oriented. Be fucking romantic. Tell her why you like her piercing eyes. Say if you think about her. Do it up, baby.

If you have a genuine compliment that relates to the situation, look in her eyes and say it. Gold.

16. Learn how to a finger a bitch, would you?

So many men do not know how to do this. Take a course at OneTaste. Watch some porn. Google it. Have a woman show you.

I admit, I don’t even know what OneTaste is…but one tip: cut your nails. 

17. Confidence is everything. 

Remember when Chris Rock said “confidence always wins”? 

18. Talk to her.
This shouldn’t even have to be stated.