No, I'm Not Perfect

I promised myself I wouldn’t try to rationalize or sugar-coat these things (at least individually). At the same time, I will say that I have little to no interest in changing them. My imperfections make me ‘me’ the same way that my positive attributes do. It’s all part of the same package.

*Note: none of these will be physical. If you think my being short or skinny is an imperfection, then…nah, won’t go there.

1. I let things get me down too easily.

This is rather inexcusable. I have a lot to be happy about. I won’t list everything here, but suffice to say this shouldn’t be an issue. Is life perfect? No. Am I where I want to be? No. However, I have more than enough good things stored up to let any one thing get me down like things potentially can.

2. When I snap, I snap.

Now, this hasn’t happened in over four years. However, I know the potential is still (and always will be) there. When it happens, my best advice is to be somewhere else. I’ve been on the business end of some other people’s snapping experiences that I would consider similar to mine, so I can actually say that I have evidence leaning that way.

3. I don’t forgive, and I forget even less.

Everyone I’ve dated will cosign on this one. I’m not saying people can’t mess up around me, but I have a long memory and an innate disdain for repeating bad experiences. Some people refer to such behavior as holding a grudge. I’ll be that. In most cases, people are the worst things they do to me: and if they dig themselves into holes, they don’t get out.

4. I hate losing.

Coaches have had famous quotes regarding their abhorrence for losing, and I fit that mold. Winning is relief, in a personal sense (when my teams win, I do actually enjoy it). This is why I don’t play fantasy football anymore. I didn’t lose often, but when I did would not watch ESPN at all on Mondays just to not be reminded of defeat.

5. I am terribly afraid to talk to women.

The one fear I have in life is rejection/failure. I’ve literally stared death in the face on several occasions and not been bothered. However…put an attractive woman (whom I don’t know) in front of me and I’ll crack like an egg. Between the nerves and the fear of failure, it’s just not a pleasurable experience.

6. I will let my place get cluttered.

I try to hide behind the excuse of living alone, but it really shouldn’t work. That happens because I feel unmotivated (in general) in some form. I’m just not inspired to do much of anything when I don’t wash clothes or…you know, this is really all about clothes.

7. I don’t enjoy the smaller things enough.

All my fun has to be big. Now, when it’s big it’s big. My trip home serves as a nice example of that. However, it makes sense to routinely enjoy little things like the sweet tea from Hong Kong (was $1.30 last time I went) or a Snickers bar or enjoying nature. I always have to make big waves when consistent ripples would also be helpful.

8. I’m very reactionary, especially when it comes to dealing with people.

One pattern that I’ve noticed in my relationships (and relationship-like situations) is that I treat ‘her’ like a queen in the beginning. I think I mentioned this last week, as I now remember writing about how the above situations turn into me treating them the way I perceive them to treat me and how it’s always a de-evolution. I do that with everyone, but it’s obviously most pronounced in potentially romantic situations.

9. I take better care of myself when I’m interested in someone than when I’m not.

Want to talk about one that needs to be fixed quick…since I have no plan on being interested in anyone anytime soon, I have to do for me. That means working out, eating right, all that stuff. Now that I think about it, I don’t even understand why that difference in thought exists. Won’t have to worry about the reason if I eliminate it, though.

10. I do not keep up with my extended family (and out of town friends, for that matter) enough.

Social networking doesn’t even help with this. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to any of my cousins. Trying to think of…no, I didn’t see any of them when I went home. Saw one of my aunts, though. At any rate, I really don’t think I’ve spoken to any of my cousins in 2012. It’s one-third of the way over.

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See, I’m far from perfect. I have flaws, I make mistakes. I own them, in one way or another. Those, combined with the good things, make me who I am. That’s really all I have to say.