On Display

I’m attending a firm beach party on Sunday. I thought about it this morning and I’m really going to be on display. Those of you who are (or were) black graduate students know full well of what I speak. As far as black folk, there are two sister attorneys - one of whom is the absolute truth - and me. There are about 50 people who work in this office and I think the guest list is about 75 total. As the title suggests, on display.

 

Two other things: one minor, one not so much…minor thing: I’m also the third-tallest person at the firm. Thought I was the tallest in the spring, but there are two attorneys that have me beat. I stick out that way as well. And finally, the not-so-minor thing: in a firm full of Gators and Seminoles, I’m going to the party wearing stuff from…not FAMU, but you’ve got the colors right.

Suffice to say I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb. Yeah, on display. Do I mind? Not really. If I did I simply wouldn’t go and would enjoy a Sunday at home or at my cousin’s house. I also won’t mind eating some free seafood. Now I have no idea what’s going to happen on Sunday, although I have a feeling people are going to know me on Monday in a way they don’t today. It just feels like I’m walking into something.

Now there’s no external reason for having this feeling. Everyone knows me from my last stint at the firm, so there’s an air of familiarity (had this been within a week of my first starting here, I likely would have passed - as I did when there was something a couple months into the last stint). Even though I doubt any of them will become part of my social circle, they seem alright. All that said, there’s just something about situations like Sunday’s that heightens our senses.

We realize that such situations are a part of life - especially as we move up the academic, professional, and/or corporate ranks. Social situations are different than working/school situations in that everyone has to remain above board in the latter. During the former…well, we all know what alcohol can do to people. Someone says the wrong Obama joke, there’s going to be a problem…because my mouth tends to open when I get mad.

Speaking of, that’s why I stay away from political conversations - or anything that can lead to political conversations - here. First time around we talked about politics (I mean, our jobs centered around politics so it was almost impossible not to) but we had largely similar ideologies so there was never an issue. This time? I’m just going to say that both people I work with are regular visitors to the FOX news website. Whereas I used to read CNN, I now read msnbc - just so they’ll notice. I’m sure they already have me pegged as a liberal for reasons mentioned above, but it’s always nice to let people know I’m an aware liberal.

So that I’ll stay away from. If they want to talk about Miami, though? They can bring that all day. As mentioned above, that I’m pretty much going to invite via my wardrobe. Ever since I started in political science at FSU, I’ve been rather unafraid to force those around me into noticing the ways in which I am different than they. Maybe that’s made me seem (or actually be) confrontational at times. Maybe it does have a little bit of “look at me” in it - although who could be surprised by that, considering that I’m from South Florida. Shoot, I’m a South Florida product from the me-first 80s. I wouldn’t know how to be any other way.

Back to Sunday…it’s been a while since I’ve attended a gathering in which there was neither music, spades, family, nor friends were present. That’s the other thing about it. Forget what someone else might do: what am I going to do? It’s only four hours, and I only plan on staying for three. Same time…who am I going to hang around? Talk to? Eat with? I already know that if I stand alone - or even worse, talk on the phone - for any amount of time - it’s going to look bad. Maybe I’ll just eat the whole time. That and seeing a few people I did know helped me get through a lobbyist reception in March. If I get lucky, someone will want to watch baseball on TV.

Outside that, I’m going to be a stranger in a strange land…on display.

(Ed. note: this was originally written Friday...everything was fine for the most part. I got three comments [two yesterday, one today] about how 'alone' I looked, but nothing that was bad. I think most people could see it, but no one wanted to say anything. That said, it wasn't bad...and I'd go again if I knew then what I know now.)