Six Tips...And Thoughts On Those Tips

Ran across a Marni Kinrys article on CNN (http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/14/how.to.pick.up.girls/index.html) that gave men six tips on dating. Article text is in bold and regular type, comments are in italics.

(CNN) -- You have to think about picking up girls the exact same way you think about picking up a box. You just do it. Seriously. After working with thousands of men all around the world, I have found that the common issue holding men back with women is that "thing" on top of their shoulders. It thinks, analyzes and makes excuses, so rejection is self-inflicted before women even get a chance to do it.

Here are six secrets men need to know about women to help them stop that "thing" in their head from destroying their dating life:

Women have baggage, too, especially the attractive ones. You think insecurity and low confidence are only for those who are fat, bald and ugly? Not so, my friend. Just because a woman is hot does not mean that her life is perfect. Remember, beauty does not equal perfection. It's simply one thing about a woman that she literally wears on her sleeve.

Co to the sign. 

Women prefer personality to looks. As a woman, I know this to be very true. But I also know it's a tough one for men to swallow. Obviously, in the first five seconds, she judges a man based on his looks. But after that, something interesting happens: A man's face shifts according to how he makes a woman feel. A hot man can become hideous, and an average-looking man can become the sexiest guy in the room. What women are really attracted to has nothing to do with appearance. It has to do with the character a man projects. A man who is calm, cool, collected, comfortable and confident will trump an Abercrombie model every time.

Bull...as in "running in Spain and fighting matadors" bull. I hear too much about Idris Elba being a fantasy man (and whoever else is on that list this week)...and I never hear anything about his personality being a part of it. Many a time will women take the looks (and of course, money) and consider everything else later...which has a large part to do with why the first tip is true.

Women DO NOT like bad boys. Not sure who started this rumor, but they must be shot immediately. Women do not sit around with their girlfriends and say "Oh, Marni, I can't wait to meet a lazy, unreliable jerk who treats me poorly and feeds on my insecurities." Women like nice guys, not wimps, pushovers or pleasers; nice guys with a backbone and strong sense of self.

And I thought the second one was bull. I wish I could come up with a better reference for this one. Now this is likely to change after women reach their 35th birthday, but the damage is usually done by then as most men have either given up (raises hand) or found someone already.

There's no "right" line, but there's a right way to say it. If I had four men approach me using the same, tried-and-tested pickup line, do you think I would be attracted to all four of them? Maybe, but highly unlikely. I can tell you that if the right man with the right character came up to me and said "banana, banana, banana," I would giggle like a little schoolgirl and instantly feel attraction for him.

I'm not a line expert (as anyone who knows me knows), but I'll agree with this one. The real truth in this statement, though, is when she talks about the "right man". The "right man" can get away with almost anything. He can call her out of her name if he has muscles. He can stay out all night if there are enough numbers in his bank account. He can even put his hands on her if he catches the right tone of voice when he says he'll never do it again...for the fifth time. If you're not the right man, there is no right way. If you are, there is almost no wrong way.

There is never a bad time to approach a woman. Women want to be approached, as long as it's by the right person. If you see a girl you like, stop, breathe and think to yourself, "She's adorable. I want to talk to her and see if I like her." Notice the "I want" and the spirit of figuring out what you like. Until you get to know this girl, it's about you, not her.

See, there you go. Now, what I wholeheartedly support is the approach she mentions. Might be the best thing I've seen someone actually say in a long time. All too often men approach women with the idea that they need to get the women to like them. They might want to make sure they like the women first...especially considering that if they don't do so, they run the risk of falling into problems talked about last time. If I don't like a woman (and I likely won't within the first 2-3 weeks), it makes no difference whether she likes me. Trust and believe, I make sure I like her before I even start to get concerned about her liking me.

Women want you to respect them, not admire them. So stop putting women you know nothing about on pedestals. Yes, they're hot, yes other men may want them, but that does not mean that all self-respect gets thrown out the door. Respect yourself first, and women will follow.

They want both, and men best know which one to display at which time. Being able to read a woman is very important, and it's somewhat of a lost art. Men with a lot of confidence think they already know a woman's thoughts, and men without it think they don't have the skill to figure them out. The easiest solution is for men to stay in control of themselves and to not think they're in control of anything else. 

So use these lessons as the first step to eliminating the anxiety that "thing" produces. The second part is getting out there and practicing. Sitting on your couch watching "Law & Order" is not going to bring you results with women.

Bah humbug on that second part. Y'all can have it.